God Help the Girl

Listen To This

2009.05.06 06:09 Mr_A Listen To This

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2017.07.08 00:42 Red-Curious Doing what God designed men to do.

Biblical masculinity, relationship, and sex advice from a biblical, yet pragmatic perspective.
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2009.09.06 20:48 ksan Evangelion

God's in his heaven. All's right with the world.
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2020.11.23 17:25 anonscpsls Weird and unsettling nightmares and sleep paralysis

I’m basically just writing this out to vent but I’m curious if anyone notices that when they get nightmares they’re in a certain position? For me it’s when I somehow end up on my back and the covers off (I usually sleep bundled up and on my stomach) Also doing this anonymously bc I don’t want anyone I know seeing it bc it’s kinda really weird
Disclaimer, this will be long but I have to just get it out there. Also, I grew up in an extremely religious family and I am also religious (less extreme than my family but still). Many of these dreams pertain to that information lol.
First weird sleep paralysis/nightmare I can remember: I was a little kid (maybe 4) and lived in a tiny house and I was sleeping on the living room pull out couch with my grandparents. There’s a large window behind the couch. I wake up to dust falling from the ceiling and onto my grandparents and all over me like a thick layer. My grandparents don’t wake up even though I’m shaking them. I look to the window behind me and there’s two hugely tall shadow figures talking to each other and then staring at me. I’m able to move in this dream freaking out bc no one will wake up and I try wiping the dust off and going back to sleep, and eventually I do as the dust continues to fall and cover me.
No abnormally scary or weird nightmares since, until about three years ago. I had a friend get murdered the year before and I am a part of the team that found them. since then have had really strange and upsetting nightmares. (I have gotten therapy and generally am doing loads better, I find my anxiety and PTSD manifest itself mostly into my dreams)
Here’s the ones that stuck with me.
First one around three years ago: I’m in a really fast car and everything is colorful. I don’t know the two people in the car. As we are speeding the guy driving turns around and asks if I want and coke and I tell him no. We come to a screeching halt and his eyes go black and he tells me to get out. I get out of the car and go inside the building we stopped in front of. I hear a low humming like people are singing quietly. It looks like a palace. There’s a giant pool of water and I see people in it. Something compels me to get in too. As I’m wading in the water though I realize everyone around me is dead and they’re just floating, humming corpses. There’s so many more bodies in the water and eventually I can’t move and can’t get out. Suddenly a man appears at the edge and puts his hand out to help pull me up if I can get to him. After struggling to move through all the corpses I grab his hand and he creepily smiles at me, lets my hand go, and suddenly all the corpses start to drag me underwater deeper and deeper. I wake up panicking.
Second one, a few months after the first: I wake up at the muddy shore of a foggy lake. Everything is gray, there’s one bridge crossing the lake. I can’t see what’s on the other side. I feel really uncomfortable and scared when I hear a high pitched woman’s voice telling me to come over here, come across the lake. She sounds really sing songy but something about her makes me not trust her at all. The sound of the water flowing increases and the water begins slowly rising. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears and I turn to my left and my dads there like a ghost telling me don’t do it. Don’t cross the lake. He’s frantic. I turn to my right and my paternal grandpa is also there as a ghost telling me not to do it. Don’t trust it. My feet are getting submerged more and more by the mud and the water is now over the bridge and the voice is screaming at me to come over there. The sound of the water is so loud at the point like a waterfall and it’s getting faster and faster up to my neck and I can’t move. I wake up in a panic attack. This one is reoccurring. I never can cross the lake.
Third and fourth one are a little more fuzzy on the details but essentially were just as panic attack inducing: the third one was basically all of my friends and family disappearing in this never ending house and leaving me. They each did something to betray me or hurt me before they’re gone. I suddenly feel extremely cold and trapped. A booming but chilling voice comes over everything and says “god wants you to be alone” and then hisses. I get the feeling that I’m falling and see a bright light. I wake up in a panic attack. The second one is me and friends running from some demonic creature. We find a house and go inside. My family is there. When we slam the door shut I feel a horrible presence. I feel myself being grabbed my the neck and unable to breathe and I rise into the air, shaking and twitching. Everyone else was looking out the window and then turn around to talk to me, look up, and start screaming and looking at me with the most horrifying look I’ve ever seen. I’m slammed to the ground, wake up and feel a presence in my real bedroom. I can’t move and hear whispers and laughing.
I had a few more in there that were similar and fucked up. Less memorable as I stopped waking up in a full panic attack, but still felt extremely panicked when I woke up. Sometimes I could feel a presence and couldn’t move.
Then, in June, I had a dream where I saw my friend who died. It was EXTREMELY vivid. I could see him, smell him, and feel him. He seemed happy but also sad. I ran to hug him and it felt like a real hug. I started crying and I was asking him questions and telling him to come back. He told me I knew he couldn’t come back. He was right. Usually when you hear about people seeing a dead loved one in a dream it’s happy and calming, but this one wasn’t. Although I was happy to see him, he told me he wasn’t okay. He couldn’t come back. He was in hell but met me here. He told me he loved me and he had to go now. I start sobbing and he fades away. I wake up feeling fucked up and sobbing my eyes out. I desperately wanted to dream about him again but haven’t since. The fucked up dreams stop for a little bit.
Last night I had my newest. I’m on the island in a prison looking building. I’m allowed to come and go. I’ve been here before. The beaches are foggy and the air stinks. There’s a sense of dread. I go inside and meet three people who are my roommates. I have never seen them. We are getting a new roommate. She’s already there. I look at her and know something isn’t right. She seems off. I ask my roommates to talk with me, when did we agree on a new roommate? The girl then shoved me down into a chair and looks at me. Her face is constantly changing and her eyes are too and she goes from looking like a human to a completely indescribable thing. I have a horrible feeling and know I’m talking to the devil or a demon or something. SHe’s screaming at me but unable to touch me telling me I didn’t invite her there, but I also didn’t tell her she couldn’t come. She says she’s crazy and loves to kill, her dream is to kill her entire family, mine, and everyone I know. She’s the one who killed my friend. She starts hysterically laughing and suddenly had three heads covered in eyes all spinning. I wake up in a panic attack.
I go back to sleep eventually somehow and say a prayer, and then have another dream. In this dream there was the rapture. I was with my boyfriend and he was left behind. I tell him all he has to do is believe and that I love him and then I’m taken up into the sky with a bright light. Up there is my mom and brothers. We are in a waiting room of sorts. My mom is sobbing, telling me my dad was left behind. I’m crying too, saying my boyfriend was left as well. We are not in heaven yet. I wake up feeling strange.
So yeah, welcome to my fucked up mind. I also hate sleeping now
submitted by anonscpsls to Nightmares [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 17:20 throwaway_56327 Just found out a bunch of fucked up secrets about my family, including my mom, and my brother and I are ready to cut ties with her.

I have been taking breaks and writing this for the last couple days, and new shit just popped up AS I was writing it. So I put update on the bottom along with TL;DR:
So, found out a lot of stuff. Some of it completely pisses me off and my brother and I have agreed to not invite my mom and her fiance to Thanksgiving. It's just awful! It just keeps getting more and more fucked up!
So, I don't know where to start. Well, we can start with the thing that's still forgivable.
My Aunt and Uncle. I found out from my brother who is 100% credible, that my Aunt who's married to my maternal Uncle(so my mom's brother) are first cousins with two kids around my brother and mines age. I remember seeing them a couple times a year growing up. They were always pleasant visits. They lived out of state. I still love them though! Rarely seen the rest of the uncles, and one I've never met to this day.
Exept my mom and her sister, who was my favorite aunt because she was the youngest, the uncles just split. My mom became very dependent on ANY man who had a job. Sucked being a teenage girl while her skeezy live-in boyfriends had some of their other skeezy friends come over. She partied, did drugs, fucked up her whole life. Drove her own kids away. Barely provided for us, but always a couple cases of beer in an empty fridge every Friday. Come the weekend, they'd start drinking and arguing and fighting. Seen my mom drunkenly and wantonly disregard her own daughter watching, during a stupid drunk argument with her boyfriend she decided to put on this show of swallowing a bunch of pills. Like, she was taking them one by one and trying to toss them into her mouth and laughing about it. It was super theatrical, somehow assuming it wouldn't upset her kids in some way. I had to call the cops, and the cops took her away, and it was all attention whoring. All an act.
She switched roles quickly. That time I was unaffected because I had lost so much respect for her while I was growing up. I knew she was going to be all right. This was all a pathetic show.
When I was like 9 years old, my mom and her boyfriend got into a drunk argument, and she pushed him, he pushed her, and she threw her self at the China hutch and pretended to get knocked out. Even her boyfriend was like "Oh come on!"
So, cops get called because she's not getting up, and the emts are trying to get her to wake up, and I was just sitting on the couch in the dark livingroom watching TV holding my kitten. I remember a cop shining a flash light on me and asking me about my kitten. I knew she was faking it. Didn't care her young daughter is bareing witness to something like this. But yeah, a bunch of other trashy stuff of the like.
Ok, so here is where it starts getting even MORE fucked up.
So, my before mentioned Aunt, her Dad is my Maternal grandmother's biologogal brother. (Let's call him Uncle Bob)
My brother told me that our Aunt told him that Uncle Bob molested THEM when they were kids, and when they told my grandma (maternal), she didn't believe them and "called them liars". So once they grew up, and started having kids, they really kept their distance. I rarely saw them. Maybe 3 times (I'm 43 now)
Then, he told me that Grandma (While Grandpa was fighting in Vietnam) partied a lot and left the kids with whom ever would watch them (probably their Uncle Bob) and she would go out on benders.
He said that my Aunt said he would crawl into their beds in his underwear and do things.
And no one believed them. Not even my grandma. Perhaps she didn't want to believe it because she had a free babysitter? Don't know because my grandma and grandpa are dead, so is her brother, Uncle Bob and his wife, who stayed with him till the end...
But, this is NOT the family I grew up knowing and the stories I listened to from my grandma and her sister.
She was so prim and proper and told me stories how it was in the old days when teenagers were brought up and behaved respectfully and bread cost a nickel.
And I believed her stories too! They were very believable. Stories about the kids and the war and how she was a dutiful wife. To me, she looked and acted the role.
Even my grandpa was still smitten and doting and cutesy cutesy with her even in old age.
Then, my brother started telling me what it was like for HIM and my mom after I moved in with my Dad and Stepmom when I was 15. I was appalled.
Stuff like right after I moved out, my mom's skeezy boyfriend's friends were all sitting in the livingroom, talking about my mom sexually right in front of him when he was 13, and he said that he got scared.
She left him alone at this dudes house with said dude, and then sold his motorcycle for meth money. The reason why he knows she did it is because HE WAS AT THE HOUSE ALONE WITH THIS DUDE when she did it. So, the dude was obviously talking about it and shit.
And so so many more examples but the worst one, the one that made me lose the last dangling thread of respect for my mom is when he told me that my mom got him hooked on meth and blow when he was 15 and then he quit school at 16 because he was hooked on meth.
"WTF? Why?" You may say to your self. "Why would a mother, who's supposed to protect and care for her children, give her child meth??"
Because I know! I know her and how she works. She's EXTREMELY self absorbed and selfish. What ever suits her best.
I'm 99.99999999% sure that the reason why my mom gave her 15 year old son meth was because she was bored and wanted someone to do it with. That's it! She was just bored snorting/smoking meth by herself while he was at school. She wanted a meth buddy because her other friend probably worked during the day or something IDK.
He said she was waiting for him to come home from school and basically said "Here, snort this".
He told me that he had reservations about it and she said to him "It's ok, I'm a nurse, and I wouldn't let you take anything that isn't safe"
Like, read that again.
"It's ok, I'm a nurse, and I wouldn't let you take anything that isn't safe"
(She DID go to nursing school, but I don't remember her having any other job other than bartending, but she always liked telling people she was a nurse)
She started smoking pot with me when I was 14, and I moved away a year later. I can't imagine what could have happened with me , a teenage girl. I had NO clue this was going on when it was happening. I never knew her to do meth. Just Alcohal and Pot. I found out a couple years ago she did drugs though. But then again, I only saw her a couple times a year.
Like 15 years ago, I knew my brother was doing drugs because he told me after 5 years (or something along that time line, it's fuzzy) that he was quitting drugs. He never told me how or why he started using it. But he has been clean ever since and has a great job!
So, yeah, he told me more, but I don't want this to become a huge wall.
Ok, so now onto the next segment of this fucking freakshow!
So now, moving onto my mom's current living situation. She's always been man dependent as long as he has a cash outflow. She even had a crack smoking boyfriend living with us, so, her standards are low.
So, here's the history of our previous neighbor, let's call him Matt. Matt is a little younger than me, was our neighbor before my mom moved in with us. He did nothing but give me the creeps.
We moved in after they did (we only lived there for 5 years). When we moved in, we met Matt and his Dad. His Dad was retired and took care of him. Matt is on disability for obvious mental reasons. He's 6'4 ish 230 pounds and slow mentally. Like, the functioning brain of a 13 year old.
He wears thick coke bottle glasses that make his eyes look huge, he has very bad teeth and looks like he's always dirty. I caught him multiple times by our kitchen windows looking in, and when I noticed him, he'd smile and wave. Bedrooms were on the second floor thank god.
He would also come and sit on our back patio steps and pet our dog by himself. I would open the back door and I'd see him there. Scared the crap out of me multiple times.
Also, super awkward because once I was getting ready for bed and I open the door to let the dog in and there he is at 10 o'clock at night and I'm in a small robe. I was like "Oh! Hi!.....ummmm.. I'm just gonna let him in now, goodnight"
But multiple times he heard me scream when I walked past the back door window and he was there. He would just start laughing like he genuinely didn't understand that he was crossing boundaries or making things awkward.
We never really said anything to him because he was so friendly about it and smiled a lot and we just kept saying "Well, he doesn't know any better, he's slow"
It wasn't until he opened our back door when I was home alone with my kids so he could let our dog inside (he said because our dog looked like he wanted to come in). I told my husband to talk to him about not doing that and while he was at it, mention that he scares me when he sits on our back porch when the dog is outside and seeing a face near our kitchen window is scary.
So, about a year later, my mom's husband died, leaving her with nothing, and out of human decency, we had her move in with us for a while until we can help her back on her feet. We were also helping her get clean by moving her an hour away from where she was to a new town where she doesn't know anybody. She has no car, so we did all the providing and accommodating for her. We knew she got off meth, and drugs for a long time so this was a fresh start in a nice neighborhood in a small town.
We also told/warned her about Matt
Like when she moved in, we warned her about Matt and how he likes to look into our windows and just does a lot of creepy stuff. But he's harmless. She even acted creeped out by him too. Like, acting like she subtly gives him the back off vibe.
So, long story short, Matt's dad dies, my mom goes over Matt's house to comfort him, and then she moves in with Matt to "Help take care of him".
So, a few MORE months go by, and then he asks my mom to marry him in front of me in my front doorway and she said "Yes, but it's going to be a long engagement" I was completely speechless. Like, wow. I could barely stand to put a fake smile on my face, which probably was apparent. I was completely incredulous. But what could I do??
So, now he's a part of our family, but he just gets so uncomfortablely close to me. But he's super friendly, it's hard to blow him off. He just doesn't understand personal boundaries that well.
OMG IT GETS WORSE
Here is ANOTHER thing my brother unloaded on me last week.
So, I usually host Thanksgiving and invite my mom, my brother, his girlfriend and his son.
My brother told me Matt creeps him out and that he doesn't want his son around him. We had already talked about the other stuff and started playing with the idea of not inviting them to Thanksgiving because of the afore mentioned stuff.
He continued by saying that Matt, or "soon to be stepfather" whose like 5 years older than him, kept sending him hardcore porn sites. To my brother! My brother asked him to stop multiple times AND had to block him and told him not to talk to his girlfriend. My brother's girlfriend is creeped out by him too!! I don't think I want him around my teenage girls either.
But, with everything that my brother unloaded on me, I've had time to think about it, and I don't want them over for Thanksgiving either.
I don't really feel bad about it. I'm glad we're doing it. You can't stand to be around her for more than 15 minutes, because she acts really tweaked out, which I KNOW she's not. It's just her altered brain now. Her body is always a walking billboard for faces of meth. She even has missing front teeth. Everyone who meets her gets the WRONG impression.
Like, not totally wrong, because it IS from drugs. Some of our friends told us that other people saw her out with us for dinner (small town), and said that we had a meth head with us not knowing it was my mom. SHE CAN'T SIT STILL. It is NOT subtle. She can't control her self. She also loudly blurts out innapropriate trashy things with out thinking about it. Like drawing MORE attention to my extreme embarrassment. Like "Look at me! Her mom! Did you know they found a cure for herpes?" (That was during Thanksgiving dinner where she was meeting his extended family at their Thanksgiving Table. It gave a LOT of people pause) I was humiliated and was just short of apologizing then and there.
We're not going to ever invite her to his family functions and get togethers. I married into a very well-to-do family on both sides. Very classy people with old money. Very normal and close knit. We're talking family vacations with aunts and brothers and sisters and cousins and grandchildren and family game night where everyone wears cute sweaters and pearls.
She talks and acts like she came out of a caveman crack house. She also has the most atrocious etiquette and table manners than anyone I know!
She met them only twice and I can tell that they weren't going to invite her to other things as well. But they're super nice about it. They accept that I am limiting their interactions with her. They will occasionally ask how she's doing, I'll lie, say she's doing great , keep it vague, they understand it's humiliating.
But I'm cutting her out of my life unless she agrees to a family therapist. So is my brother. I write this at home next to my children whom I always put first, and living very comfortable, normal and healthy lives. It feels as though I'm ending a legacy.
TL'DR: is last week I found out my mom, aunt's and uncles were molested growing up and no one believed them, found out my mom got my 15/yo brother hooked on meth when I was living with my Dad, she did a shit ton of fucked up stuff when he was with her, acts like a crackhead even though she's clean, and my brother and I have very good lives now and really can't bring her around normal people with out it causing them alarm or without having strangers stare. And she moved in and got engaged with the creepy, mentally slow neighbor and laughably expects us to let OUR KIDS have "sleep over with Nana " parties with HIM there. Then lied about our Uncle dieing..
Like, WTF really?
UPDATE
So, recent edit on here, so, here is ANOTHER thing she just did two days ago!!
Her brother, my Uncle Sonny, is in an induced coma because of covid. My brother messages me saying Uncle Sonny died. So, this happened in the middle of a Dr. Apt video call. I saw the message bubble pop up.
So, I finish the video call 15 minutes later. I talk to my brother and he told me that he just talked to Aunt, and she said that Sonny was alive, and that the ONLY people that are able to recieve information are his son and ex wife. Her husband, my bio uncle, wasn't even able to get ANY info on him because that is what is in the papers he signed when he came in.
So, there is NO way she was able to get any info. My mom said the call was the night before, but my Aunt said they heard from his son that morning he was alive and they are giving him a tracheotomy so he can breathe more comfortabley.
He's alive and well! (Kinda, he's still in a coma and a respirator and has a lung infection now)
So, my brother texts my mom his response after confirming he's still alive. He sent me the screen shots of her responses.
Doesn't make sense. Like, she didn't think any of us would contact other relatives and find out the truth???
Proven by the fact that she had no good and legible excuse. Just deer in headlights responses.
So, after that, a day later, she asks him to get her weed. (She uses "flowers" as code for weed which my brother has to drive 80 minute round trip to bring to her because she has no car). He sent me the text screenshots.
Like WTF really? Asking for pot a day after. Like, the total disregard and selfishness astounds me.
As if she remembers none of the MANY fucked up shit she put us through, including getting my brother hooked on meth. And then she acts salty at the end because he didn't want to drive 80 miles to bring her weed. She HAD a doctor helping her with it, (or so she claimed) but she never followed up or something, probably because he wouldn't give her Adderall or Ritalin, just non stimulants. Oh, ADHD is NOT to blame for this kind of behavior. Like, you can really see her fucked up line of thinking.
She is going to lie about seeing a therapist as well. She lies about EVERYTHING. I KNOW she's going to lie about how we were brought up. She lies to US about it. We're like "No you didn't! " or "That is NOT what it was like"
submitted by throwaway_56327 to Vent [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 17:18 confusedcurious411 BedKnobs and the need to be filled

We had been playing with toys for a good few years and had a staple selection of dildos that the wife and I enjoyed playing with, our first one was purchased after a miserable trip to see a family friend in hospital but that’s another story!
Over the years I had been encouraging my wife to try a little larger toys when ever we looked in to the local sex shop, or on an afternoon out in London we would always take a trip in to soho to see what delights I could find, she was never up for taking the lead but once through the doors she always relaxed and enjoyed looking at the vast array of dildos, vibrators, sex aids and lingerie.
During one visit she noticed some specialist books on extreme insertions and pointed out one larger than life lady taking what seemed to be an obscenely large dildo, she was totally drawn in by the sheer size and stretch that the lady was experiencing, to the point where she took the magazine to the counter and muttered something to the lady behind the counter, as I wasn’t in ear shot (sneaking a look at the trans porn selection) she paid and was handed a brown bag with what I thought was just her book, how I was so wrong.....
On the train home, we talked about the shop and she was telling me how she was amazed at how the lady was able to take such a large dildo, she kept saying it isn’t normal and how had she managed to get it inside her, I pointed out that lube was probably the ladies best friend, this would help anything within reason slide inside her.
When we got home, Claire disappeared upstairs, nothing new she liked to enjoy her own space, after a short while she called me upstairs, upon opening the bedroom door she was lay on the bed in some tiny items of Lacey lingerie, slowly sliding her largest dildo in and out of her soaking wet hole, she had open next to her the book that she had purchased, it was open on a different page from what she showed me in the shop, the pages showed a tiny framed petite lady being used by a couple of guys and girls, the second page clearly showed one of the females fisting the petite girl, Claire asked me to turn the page and lie next to her, as I did, I quickly lost my shirt and jeans and joined Claire who was clearly highly aroused by the magazine and what she was looking at. As I positioned myself she pulled back the duvet to present a huge dildo that she had also purchased in the store, she said she had asked the girl what was her favourite large dildo and she had recommended the American Challenge, she had put it in a bag as it was so large, with two bottles of lube and the book as a guide to how to take it!
This dildo, I mean is truly massive, and looking at Claire’s vagina I just couldn’t imagine how we would get it inside her, let alone get her to take it fully as it was absolutely huge! I quickly got the message and grabbed the lube and started to soak Claire’s labia and vagina in extreme amounts of lube including making sure I was able to get two three and more fingers inside her as I massaged her inner most areas. She was soon panting wildly as we managed to slide more and more finger inside her, to the point my knuckles were pushing against the entrance and finding almost no resistance....
She eventually asked me to try and put the tip of the dildo inside her, with two hands, I quickly positioned it at the entrance to her beautiful vagina, I was still convinced it wouldn’t go any further but then with little to no pressure the top slide inside her, she went very quiet and at first I started to panic, her eyes had rolled up in to her eyelids, but then she just started to say, “please don’t stop” “give me more” “oh my god” “it’s so big” well I am not one to resist and with some more lube quickly applied on the shaft and around her splayed lips I eased it in to her inch by inch until I felt that she couldn’t take anymore!
Well they say you can be wrong more than once! Claire had got her breath back and she asked me to help her up on to her knees, she wanted to ride this monster dildo and here I am helping her up on to it!!! Well she was totally consumed now by the feelings this sex toy was giving her, she was panting and talking absolute filth, somethings I had never heard her say before! As I stood in front of her she reached out and took hold of my cock and started to lick and suck it, telling me how amazing it felt having a real cock inside her and that she wished she had tried bigger toys before!
With this it all must have quickly become too much for her as she hit an orgasm that made her push me away but also saw her collapse on the bed panting and shaking like she was having a fit!
I stepped around the bed and watched as the head of the dildo plopped out of her now red, swollen vagina, the lube had mixed well with her own juices and as they leaked it looked like she had been on the receiving end of multiple cream-pies (if only) she was still panting hard and asked me to move the dildo away so she could lie back, as I moved it the weight became real and the size was confirmed as huge! I could see that she had managed to take over half of it inside her as their was a ring mark of lube and vagina juice clearly left half way down the shaft!
As I placed it in the en-suite sink to clean I returned to see her touching her labia lips, she told me they felt electrifying and all sensitive, I told her she was officially now able to gape for me and she insisted I took a picture of how loose she was, the pics tell the story and her wrecked hole was totally ready for any size fist, toy or anything else she wanted to slide inside her!
I am lucky to call this lady my wife, kids have slowed some experiences down but when she wants it we always have a great time experimenting!
Enjoy 😊
submitted by confusedcurious411 to stories [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 17:09 J0hnny-Yen How do I avoid losing my best friend / lover / wife?

I'm (36M) struggling with my marriage of 7 years. My wife (34F) is my best friend and my lover, but we're somewhat torn on the idea of children. I think kids are a burden and I don't want to deal with them. I can't explain it, but kids (and their parents) just aggravate me. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and the thought of raising a child kills me a little inside. I was also a very bad kid myself. I put my parents though a lot and those memories weigh on me.
My wife and I are at the point right now, where we will have a child if I get her pregnant. We've already terminated two pregnancies (very very early stage), and we've decided not to do that again. Next time it happens, we're going to follow through with it and have the kid.
My wife loves me so much that she supports my wishes of not having children, although I know she wants them. She's been somewhat conditioned to believe that 'her job' in life is just to be a mom, and that's the only purpose of life.
My wife has 3 sisters and all of them have babies. Her sister is pregnant again and it's triggered her mother's baby rabies. Her mother is driving her crazy about having kids. It's upsetting her and there's nothing that can be done about it. I'm afraid that her mother is going to convince her to leave me. I don't want to lose her.
My wife and her siblings crave their parents approval/attention, so "just ignore your mom" is probably not going to work (and her mother knows this).
My wife and I have some differences. We come from different upbringings (her mom was a stay-at-home 80s-90s mom and her dad was cop)... These days her mom doesn't work, just helps with grandkids, and her father is retired and he works side jobs just to keep busy and get out of the house. One of her sisters is a cop and her other sister is married to a cop. Despite the differences, I love her family. They're not bad people. they just think very differently than I do (which is OK).
My father was an immigrant who owned a restaurant and worked 60 hrs a week when I was growing up. My mother was also a stay-at-home 80s-90s mom, but she's been working F/T after her youngest started school.
My wife works F/T. She's up with the roosters and she works very hard. She never went to college and for that reason she's limited in the work she can do and the amount that she can earn. I work for a tech company and earn a decent living. None of my wife's siblings ever earned a Bachelors Degree (her parents couldn't afford to send them to school - the option was always, "join the military and/or become a cop"). I knew this when I married my wife. I married her for love, not for anything else, but I never realized how much it would impact us down the line. It hurts me that my wife has to work lousy jobs for little pay. I hate when she comes home and complains about her job. I also feel that everything is on my shoulders. Yes, my wife helps with most small purchases (groceries, etc), and she offers to help anyway she can, but I bear the brunt of our expenses. If god forbid our marriage ended, I would be the one who gets hurt financially. If we have a child, I'm going to be the sole earner of the household. My wife and I have separate bank accounts. I want her to have her own money. If she needs money for anything (within reason), I would give it to her. I manage our finances because I'm a nerd and I like math. She's perfectly fine with this as she knows I will do everything in my power to take care of us.
As much as I love her parents like they're my own, It drives me crazy how carefree her parents are. They don't understand that I could be out of work any time and for that reason I tend to be on the frugal side. I don't have a guaranteed check in the mail every month, nor am I going to get a check in the mail when I'm old. I need to aggressively save for our retirements now. Her parents are also very bad with money (I know this is none of my business, but my wife's parents never taught her about credit cards, she never earned an allowance, she never learned to write a check, or balance a check book, or how financing works, or how to SAVE, etc). They're great people, but they're also the type of people who would win the lotto and be broke again in a year. They have plenty of possessions, but it seems like they've been living paycheck to paycheck for well over 20 years.
I can't sit around - I'm athletic, competitive, and I like to learn new things. My wife is not the same in that aspect. She's not athletic at all, and she's not really into learning new things or picking up new skills. I know it's not healthy for me, but I blame her parents for all her imperfections. Her cousins (the girls, there's like 5 of them) are all college-educated and successful professionals. It bothers me that everybody else in her age group within her extended family is successful, and her and her siblings aren't. I really don't talk about it because I don't want to hurt my wife, nor do I want to pit her against her parents. I've offered to try to help her go back to school, but she's not really up for the challenge.
Sometimes I feel like I would be better off with somebody that I have more in common with (and her too, maybe she can find somebody else that's more similar to her parents), but then I think about how much I adore her, and that's when the pain starts.
I don't know what to do. I don't think here (reddit) is the best place to look for advice, but I curious of your viewpoints. I don't want to lose her. On the other side of the coin, I know that I'm not going to change her and I get really frustrated with her sometimes because of our differences. I want to make this work, but I don't know if we can weather the storm. Her mother's baby rabies just makes things worse.
Do you think marriage counseling could be helpful? What would you do?
Cross-posted to Childfree and MarriageAdvice
submitted by J0hnny-Yen to marriageadvice [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 16:59 J0hnny-Yen How do I avoid losing my best friend / lover / wife?

I'm (36M) struggling with my marriage of 7 years. My wife (34F) is my best friend and my lover, but we're somewhat torn on the idea of children. I think kids are a burden and I don't want to deal with them. I can't explain it, but kids (and their parents) just aggravate me. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and the thought of raising a child kills me a little inside. I was also a very bad kid myself. I put my parents though a lot and those memories weigh on me.
My wife and I are at the point right now, where we will have a child if I get her pregnant. We've already terminated two pregnancies (very very early stage), and we've decided not to do that again. Next time it happens, we're going to follow through with it and have the kid.
My wife loves me so much that she supports my wishes of not having children, although I know she wants them. She's been somewhat conditioned to believe that 'her job' in life is just to be a mom, and that's the only purpose of life.
My wife has 3 sisters and all of them have babies. Her sister is pregnant again and it's triggered her mother's baby rabies. Her mother is driving her crazy about having kids. It's upsetting her and there's nothing that can be done about it. I'm afraid that her mother is going to convince her to leave me. I don't want to lose her.
My wife and her siblings crave their parents approval/attention, so "just ignore your mom" is probably not going to work (and her mother knows this).
My wife and I have some differences. We come from different upbringings (her mom was a stay-at-home 80s-90s mom and her dad was cop)... These days her mom doesn't work, just helps with grandkids, and her father is retired and he works side jobs just to keep busy and get out of the house. One of her sisters is a cop and her other sister is married to a cop. Despite the differences, I love her family. They're not bad people. they just think very differently than I do (which is OK).
My father was an immigrant who owned a restaurant and worked 60 hrs a week when I was growing up. My mother was also a stay-at-home 80s-90s mom, but she's been working F/T after her youngest started school.
My wife works F/T. She's up with the roosters and she works very hard. She never went to college and for that reason she's limited in the work she can do and the amount that she can earn. I work for a tech company and earn a decent living. None of my wife's siblings ever earned a Bachelors Degree (her parents couldn't afford to send them to school - the option was always, "join the military and/or become a cop"). I knew this when I married my wife. I married her for love, not for anything else, but I never realized how much it would impact us down the line. It hurts me that my wife has to work lousy jobs for little pay. I hate when she comes home and complains about her job. I also feel that everything is on my shoulders. Yes, my wife helps with most small purchases (groceries, etc), and she offers to help anyway she can, but I bear the brunt of our expenses. If god forbid our marriage ended, I would be the one who gets hurt financially. If we have a child, I'm going to be the sole earner of the household. My wife and I have separate bank accounts. I want her to have her own money. If she needs money for anything (within reason), I would give it to her. I manage our finances because I'm a nerd and I like math. She's perfectly fine with this as she knows I will do everything in my power to take care of us.
As much as I love her parents like they're my own, It drives me crazy how carefree her parents are. They don't understand that I could be out of work any time and for that reason I tend to be on the frugal side. I don't have a guaranteed check in the mail every month, nor am I going to get a check in the mail when I'm old. I need to aggressively save for our retirements now. Her parents are also very bad with money (I know this is none of my business, but my wife's parents never taught her about credit cards, she never earned an allowance, she never learned to write a check, or balance a check book, or how financing works, or how to SAVE, etc). They're great people, but they're also the type of people who would win the lotto and be broke again in a year. They have plenty of possessions, but it seems like they've been living paycheck to paycheck for well over 20 years.
I can't sit around - I'm athletic, competitive, and I like to learn new things. My wife is not the same in that aspect. She's not athletic at all, and she's not really into learning new things or picking up new skills. I know it's not healthy for me, but I blame her parents for all her imperfections. Her cousins (the girls, there's like 5 of them) are all college-educated and successful professionals. It bothers me that everybody else in her age group within her extended family is successful, and her and her siblings aren't. I really don't talk about it because I don't want to hurt my wife, nor do I want to pit her against her parents. I've offered to try to help her go back to school, but she's not really up for the challenge.
Sometimes I feel like I would be better off with somebody that I have more in common with (and her too, maybe she can find somebody else that's more similar to her parents), but then I think about how much I adore her, and that's when the pain starts.
I don't know what to do. I don't think here (reddit) is the best place to look for advice, but I curious of your viewpoints. I don't want to lose her. On the other side of the coin, I know that I'm not going to change her and I get really frustrated with her sometimes because of our differences. I want to make this work, but I don't know if we can weather the storm. Her mother's baby rabies just makes things worse.
Do you think marriage counseling could be helpful? What would you do?
Cross-posted to Childfree and MarriageAdvice
submitted by J0hnny-Yen to childfree [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 16:55 ThrowawayRA022920 My husband admitted to trying to cheat on me... twice. Do I need to forgive him?

We have a 3 month old baby together. We’ve been married for a year.
I found messages on his phone from last Thursday in which he had made plans to meet up with another woman but they ultimately didn’t because she had to work late or something. I know snooping through a phone is like a major cardinal relationship sin but let me preface this with a little bit of background:
This is the 5th time my husband has been shadily texting or Snapchatting other women. Each time it gets a little bit worse and it’s always with someone new.
The first time it was just some back and forth chatter and some admittedly innocent pictures and winky faces. The second time he was staying up super late every night talking to one of my employees and frequently calling her. The third time it was him dirty talking with an old friend of his and asking her if she’s having sex and what she likes to do. The fourth time it was him texting a random friend of a friend to ask if she would give him a back rub and telling her he thinks she’s super cute. This latest time he actually made plans to go meet up with yet another friend of a friend, hence here we are.
Y’all, I am so sorry but I fricken lost it on him. Like LOST. IT. I screamed at him for a good 30 minutes and I packed my shit in a suitcase and left. I left the baby with him because he threatened to call the police and have me arrested if I took her with me.
His parents came over to our house before I bounced and tried to sit down with us and tell us that they don’t believe in divorce (very religious) and the reason that he keeps trying to meet with other girls is because he isn’t “walking with God.” They say that for both of us to walk with God, I need to forgive my husband (which, they explicitly said, means never bringing this up again because that’s true forgiveness.) They admitted that he’s not blameless in the least and needs help and needs someone to hold him accountable but my response was:
“No. Your son is a grown man and knows better. I am his WIFE, I am the person he promised to be accountable to. And if I’m not good enough for him (seeing as he’s done this 5 times and I have tried to forgive him for the last 4) then I don’t want him and I don’t believe I can forgive him this time around.”
But NOW, everyone is saying “I hope you work it out for the sake of your baby.” And “think about your daughter, you don’t want her growing up in a split home, do you?”
They want me to forgive him and figure out a way to work it through this.
Not to bury the lede here but we have been in couples counseling for a month and a half with the hopes of addressing this and the fact that he’s super disrespectful of my time and energy (never lets me have time to do my work because he feels his work is more important, leaves messes everywhere for me to pick up) BUT, we haven’t addressed his wandering problem. Also, it should be noted that he hasn’t physically cheated on me or so he says. He’s admitted to “emotionally cheating” twice but says it’s never gotten past that point.
When I asked him why he did this and why he does it like clockwork (almost every 3-4 months really) he said “I don’t know. I’m just messed up. I like the chase.”
So I guess I don’t know what I’m really asking here. I don’t honestly know if I can forgive him. I’m so horribly embarrassed and humiliated: that I’m not good enough for him, that my marriage lasted a stupid single year and then fell apart, that I was lied to over and over again, that his parents and our friends want us to “work it out”, that I have a baby with this man which complicates it all the more, I don’t know how to explain any of this to anyone without looking like a fool. I just don’t know what to do. Please just help me see this from 360° because I’m all over the place right now.
Edit: and, the more I think about this the more I wish I had words to say to the people in our lives who are asking questions. Right now I’ve gone MIA; I’m staying at a hotel and I’m not answering calls or texts from anyone because it’s just too hard to answer when they ask “what’s going on?”
What do I say to them? What do I say to my husband?
submitted by ThrowawayRA022920 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 16:39 ThreeProphets In defense of AC Liberation (Review)

When I finished AC3 remastered, I figured I'd give Liberation a try just to see if I liked it. I was originally only going to replay Desmond's story, but I'd never actually gotten around to trying this one, and it was bundled in, so I might as well check it out. What I found was one of the most interesting, experimental, and underrated gems in the franchise. Liberation did many things the recent games are trying to implement better than them almost a decade earlier. There's a lot to learn from this game, but first we have to avoid writing it off
Movement: Let's start on a high point. The movement in this game really works for me. It's essentially just a cleaned up version of AC3's with a few extra bells and whistles, but it's remarkably stable and controllable. The side effects are still really difficult to cancel into, although I'm finally getting the hang of the timing, and you still occasionally get pulled into a wallrun from fast walk for some reason, but those are just about the only things that aren't fixed. The snap detection has finally settled somewhere between targeting all the shortest possible hops and making the farthest possible jump while attempting to guaruntee your safety. AC3 often had a noticeable stutter while calculating a snap from a ledge with many possible outcomes, which is when it most often did something unpredictable. This is entirely gone. In fact, this game probably runs better on my original Xbox One than any other AC I've tried. The result is very light, fluttery feeling movement that can be quite freeing. I know some people prefer a more weighty feel, but it does at least suit Aveline's lithe figure. But the true star of the show is the manual jump. This was the first in the series that truly felt like it was using the maximum potential of your arc. Similar to Unity, it feels a bit like antigravity sometimes, but I'd prefer that to coming up short when trying to clear a wide street. I thought AC3's city environments were very poorly set up for parkour, whereas the natural ones flowed much better. This game has the opposite problem, which is disappointing because the snap in the trees was some of the most stable I've ever seen. The main problem with the bayou is that half the object types just don't work. You'll be happy swinging through the trees like Tarzan when you hit one of the new object types they added, miss the grab for no reason, plummet to the water, and fail a "do not swim" constraint, ruining your full sync. Even the perfectly normal vertical ledges on Agate's treehouse sometimes caused me to rubber band all over the place. And when the routes do work, they lead in circles or to completely impassable terrain. This worldspace was in desperate need of a few layers of polish. There's also a contextual whip swing that's rarely used, but opens up a few extra paths in the bayou once you unlock it. If used to its full potential, this could have served as sort of a ranged ledge grab and finally found a use for the left bumper, freeing up an extra tool slot, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. There's a lot of water in this game, which you can traverse using a canoe that twitches harder than than an MG Metro 6R4 or a rarely used, but nicely controllable underwater swimming mechanic that you steer with the camera. I believe the latter returned for Black Flag
Combat: In my choreographed Abstergo segment I said "You really have to try to die in this game." Assassin's Creed is notorious for being very easy to actually complete memories (barring BS desyncs on tailing missions), leaving us to find ways to make the games look badass in place of actual difficulty. I actually mused to myself while recording "Imagine this game, but with aggressive enemies." Well I'm glad to tell you, that's what we have here. Enemies will not hesitate to gang up on you, surprise you mid-combo, or hit you with repeated combos if you fail to block. They vary their timing a lot so you have to really watch their movements instead of just knowing exactly when they'll attack every time. They've also cut out that obnoxious behavior of following you onto rooftops, opting to set up musket checkpoints and duck through alleys to catch you when you flee instead, which you will sometimes have to. There aren't a whole lot of enemy types, but there's a particularly challenging heavy axe wielder that starts showing up a lot about halfway through the game. This is probably for the best, since enemy variation with the Kenway combat system pretty much just boils down to pressing the right button for the right enemy type, so that's very restricted in how much depth it can add. The only major problems I have are they there isn't a dedicated dodge button for the axe dude's heavy attacks, and that only bosses can counter the whip block, so it's still kind of a win button that doesn't consume any resources
Stealth: Yeah, I know this is what you all want to hear about, and it's really interesting too. Liberation chose to divide up different features and playstyle among three different outfits: Assassin, slave, and lady. Calling these disguises isn't really accurate, it's almost like playing three entirely different characters. The Assassin is ironically only very useful for combat, so we'll revisit that one. The slave is the only one that can blend in the traditional sense, and the lady replaces all her weapons and movement with an entirely new suite of social actions. This gives you a great deal of choice in how you want to approach missions and puts the "social" back in social stealth. It pretty quickly became clear to me that the slave is made for removal stealth, and the lady is made for ghost, something usually rather alien to this franchise. Realistically, did this mean I used the slave for almost every mission? Yes, yes it did. But I didn't have to. I would often pause during my infiltration and imagine the route I could take with the lady. Bribe through this group, charm this guard out of the way; playing the lady makes you feel like a woman in a historical period where they were treated completely differently, and this is where the game absolutely excels in ludonarrative harmony. She's nearly defenseless, gets grabbed and harassed by ruffians that would otherwise leave you alone, people of your same class say "Bonjour" on the street, guards ask not to be seen alone with you and swoon in groups, it is uniquely immersive. And finally, it fixes the logical loophole caused by blending while wearing a very imposing hood and being covered in weapons. The whole point of wearing robes that look like monks was to be indistinguishable from them, ever since then it's been nothing but iconography. If Altair declared Assassins should live amongst the people, then shouldn't they look like them too? But Liberation understands we don't have to give up the cool hood for the game to be logical, and this where I was hooked. That doesn't mean it executes that concept perfectly, though. Firstly, the mission design only accommodates the choice of approach half the time. The other half are some of the most restrictive, linear missions I've ever seen, with big white orbs that not only tell you where to go, but exactly how to get there. Some demand that you change outfit before beginning them, but some quietly change it for you as soon as you start. Seems like the level designers realized there was a better way to do this partway through development, but forgot to retroactively add it to the missions with the earlier system. But there's not really any reason to ever change you out of the slave outfit since it can accommodate both stealth and combat approaches. There was an infiltration early on that asked me to choose between the lady and the slave, but I never saw anything like that again. Secondly, there are still a number of issues with this system's internal logic. Why can the slave blend amongst aristocrats? Why is the Assassin spotted so damn quickly? This is a foundation that could be built upon dramatically. There's one major stealth playstyle they chose not to distinguish, and that's tool stealth. This could be the strength of the Assassin, since everyone but the lady is almost equally capable in combat anyway. The slave could have to be among the right type of people to blend, requiring proper recon before choosing to use her, giving the lady more proper blending capability with her appropriate caste. The social classes could carry different tools like the money pouch or a stink bomb to manipulate crowd behavior. And finally, the lady should be stripped of her hidden blade. The way it is now, if all else fails, you can always rely on normal line of sight stealth instead of having real consequences for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I started self-imposing this early on, it was very rewarding taking the risk of going in with only a dart gun hidden in an umbrella and my wits. If I absolutely had to take someone down, I'd better be ready to do it with my hands. You could also repurpose this system into something like Unity's gear tree, even allowing a bit of mixing and matching of outfits and playstyles. This is the biggest well of untapped potential in the entire franchise. It's time to acknowledge it
Story: This is where it falls apart a little bit. This was almost a masterful tragedy, but the breakneck pacing really did it in. Cutscenes are rarely longer than 30 seconds, I suppose to accommodate the shorter play sessions of the PSP, but the writers couldn't seem to decide if they wanted to make a bouncy spinoff or a deadly serious main entry. The themes of slavery, distrust, and and shame fit the philosophical concepts of Assassin's Creed very well, when there's enough time to explore them. The goofy smuggler characters really do have great chemistry with Aveline too, but they feel disjointed from the rest of the story. There was one twist early on that was glossed over so quickly in the cutscene, I wouldn't have even caught it if it weren't for the story update in a loading screen! The most interesting part is probably just how malleable Aveline is. After losing her mother to slavery as a young girl, she bounces between very different mentor figures, none of whom interact with each other directly, and all of whom have conflicting worldviews. Even Connor, naive as he is, is contrasted as being more anchored to his beliefs than her. Liberation is intentionally confusing for most of the game to give you the same feeling as Aveline being pulled in four different directions. It almost feels like it starts in the middle of the story, but it gradually explains itself as you learn Aveline's history with all these characters. What the writers really understand is that people don't always tell each other the truth, and even if they do, not the whole truth. So unraveling the conspiracy feels much more personal and realistic than many any other AC games' endless hitlists because the lies come from Aveline's loved ones, not her enemies. The present day, of course, was barely present. I think they were actually onto something by having Erudito reveal the censored story beats. Taken to its logical conclusion, this could have fixed Assassin's Creed's long-running linearity problem. Imagine two versions of a mission that play out differently depending on which one is the real (fake) history or different outcomes depending on what constraints you manage to meet so you can unlock more of the plot by replaying missions. Ultimately, the Erudito arc went out with a whimper because got to meet the characters behind the propoganda, so there was no payoff. They could have been a major third or fourth faction in the present day narrative if they hadn't completely vanished from the story before their potential was seen through. The most painfully rushed scene is when she meets her mother again. After lamenting a bunch of gibberish we don't yet have the context to understand, she refuses to go back New Orleans without hardly so much as a reason, disappears to God knows where, and the next thing you know we're back in the city. What the hell? No apology for abandoning Aveline for her mission? No explanation for why it matters? No telling her how much it hurt to miss her for 20 years? Not even an "I love you?" This was so jarring. And then the next time you see her, she's acting like a totally reasonable person. This relationship needed a lot more fleshing out given how much of the plot is built on its backbone. Agate's downfall was truly heartbreaking. You know when you're mentor is so paranoid that you have to help him keep his grip on reality that things are really going downhill. He left Aveline twisting in the wind when she needed him most, and that's why the ending was so close to a very effective tragedy. And finally, we have to talk about the twist. To do things like this, you need some sort of hints so when you think back to things that doesn't make sense early on, you suddenly have a satisfying explanation. I didn't really experience this. The early plot wasn't so much intriguing as it was convoluted, and Madeleine felt like an answer that was shoehorned in at the last second. It's hard to say why, maybe these elements, like everything else in the story, just wasn't given enough screentime. It was very convincing that Aveline had most her way so much that she'd join Madeleine, especially since Agate's corrupted brotherhood had seemed to do nothing but undermine her loved ones. And of course, it was very satisfying to walk back that false ending with my own hands. If she had killed Madeleine in a cutscene, that would have been hopelessly cheap
Wow, I ended up having a lot more to say on this game than I realized. Thanks for reading my ramblings if you made it all the way down here. I really recommend you go check out Liberation if you haven't already. It's a very unique entry in a series with pretty similar mechanics in almost every game
submitted by ThreeProphets to LeoK [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 16:16 TheChaosRaven I posted this last night, but didn’t get any comments, so I’m trying again

I genuinely don’t know what to do, help.
I’m a little young for this, but this is my first submission here, and I want to try and get over this, or see if it’s salvageable.
I, (17M) met a girl about 4 years ago who I thought was amazing. We’ll call her B. Fell in love at the ripe age of 13 /s. But in all seriousness she was stunning to me, still is now after all this time has passed.
Now for the dark stuff.
I lost my best friend to cystic fibrosis. Him and I had been best friends for 10 years. It honestly felt like I lost someone that was more important than just a friend, almost like a brother. It was hard, very hard. My “Holden Caulfield” moment to me.
But she was there for me, when I needed her the most, as we had became friends but I kept my feelings quiet. We seemed to be talking more and more at the time, and one night, (shit you not I still remember the date and time, June 12th 2018 at about 1:30 in the morning) that she had developed feelings for me. I excitedly told her I felt the same. We started dating, but I was horrible. I was mean spirited sometimes, and extremely timid at times where it mattered the most to her.
I lost her about 3 months later. We ended horribly. I said some things I shouldn’t have said. I wish I could take it back now, but I can’t. I was extremely sad at the time, losing someone that close to me obviously had a lot of damage on me. Not that it’s an excuse to take it out on her, I just felt so empty and lost, for a really long time.
So like people do, she moved on, and I’m still stuck on her. After so much time has passed.
I started seeing someone new, but they didn’t feel the same as I did with B. I stayed with the new girl for a year, but she was cheating on me, with multiple people, and I stayed with her because I was scared to be alone. I eventually got better and I left her. But my thoughts were on B almost the entire time I was with the cheater. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where I haven’t thought of her, if I’m being honest with myself.
Now like I said, B moved on. She now has a abusive boyfriend. And when I mean abusive, I mean psychopath levels of abuse. She’s been with him for about a year and three quarters now. He’s cheated, called her worthless, hit her, all of the above and more. Her mother and father have done that all of her life, so maybe that’s what she thinks is normal? I don’t know.
At a certain point where they broke up, I saw it as an opportunity to try and talk to her. I wrote up a three page letter explaining my feelings. A friend delivered the message for me, as I was scared to even be in her presence.
She broke down and cried. It was so bad she had to be picked up from school. This was about a year and a half ago. I never understood why she cried like she did, and maybe I’ll never know.
Fast forward to now. I still think about her constantly. I can’t seem to move on, and believe me, I’ve tried. I was talking to a mutual friend of ours the other day, and she agreed that I need to let it go, and talk to her, and maybe it’ll open a new chapter for the both of us, and I can move on, or we can try again as friends, or whatever.
So I left her a note on her car, just to make sure that her “boyfriend” didn’t see us interacting in anyway, and slightly out of cowardice. I told her that I basically still felt the same, after all this time has passed, but I’ve accepted that she would probably never feel the same about me. I told her that I missed her dearly, and how I wish things were different.
Thank god for the mutual friend, cause she’s helped me out a lot, and she’s talking to B about trying to let go of the abusive “boyfriend”. It’s been about three weeks since I left the note on her car, the friend says that she was surprised, and another friend (who I didn’t even know was in the car with them until recently) was flushed.
I genuinely don’t know what to do. I still love her more than anything. What is my best course of action?
submitted by TheChaosRaven to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 16:02 RobbieIDK I was bored so I wrote this story and posted it here, some people liked it and asked me to continue it so yolo I guess. (CHAPTER 3 AND CHAPTER 4 OUTTT!!!!!!!!!)

Author's notes before writing
I originally wrote this story for fun and posted it here, I didn't realize that people would actually want to read it, I was making it up as I was writing this story XD. Now I'm committed to finish writing this story for my 3 new followers, thanks for keeping me motivated. This is the updated story with chapter 3 and 4.
Please note that I'm not a writer, so the story might have some narrative flaws.
I have fixed some grammar and punctuation mistakes in chapter 1 and 2. I'm sorry if you don't understand what I'm trying to write, I'm from Malaysia and not a native speaker.
This story contains a few swear words.
Hope you guys enjoy this trip full of cliches and cringy writing ;)
Let's get writing 😩🤘
-----------------
CHAPTER 1
Hi there, my name is Mark Stone, if you're reading this letter right now, you probably knew what happened to me. You must be sad and confused right now, but I would like to tell you about everything, how it all started, how I met the love of my life, Nicole Bennett.
It was the December of 2015, I forgot which day it was but I remembered that it was at night and it was snowing heavily, I couldn't see what was in front of me, it was as if I was transformed into the same universe at The Mist. I bumped into this girl, she was the most beautiful girl I had ever saw, she had blond hair and perfect blue eyes, I was an average ugly awkward high schooler so I was completely shocked and didn't know what to say. Her books fell after I bumped into her so I helped her pick it up, I just couldn't help but stare at her beauty, she also wore a grey hoodie (I have a thing for hoodies). While I was helping her pick my the books, she kept repeating "sorry", it was in the cutest and most sincere voice I've ever heard. I didn't expect to see anyone here late at night since it was snowing heavily, so I asked her:
Me: "Why are you out here? It's late and it's snowing like crazy."
Nicole: "Let's go somewhere to talk, you probably don't want to talk with snow in our mouth. Let's go to my house, it's not far from here."
Me: "Sure, if my mom was here she would have probably gone crazy, she always told me not to go with strangers into their houses."
Nicole: "Hah you're funny, I'm already starting to like you."
After we arrived, I quickly analyzed her house, it was so...colorful, it was a wooden cabin in the middle of the woods, her cabin had a natural smell that I don't even know how to describe, the cabin had a special warmth and charm to it. I sat down on her comfy couch and asked her the question I asked before:
Me: "So as I was saying before you brought me into your house, what were you doing out there?"
Nicole: "I was walking home after I finished working at the library, hence why was I carrying so many books. My parents are poor and their earnings are simply not enough to support our household. I also have a brother as well, his name is Jamie, he's sleeping upstairs by the way so we better be quiet."
Me: "Speaking of your parents, where are them?"
Nicole: "They're still working."
Me: "But it's.....3 am."
Nicole: "They had to work overtime everyday, they have to work until 4 am, have 5 hours of sleep then go back to work again at 10 am, they barely have any free time. Despite this, we still live in a shitty cabin. People may feel pity for us, but we have gotten used to that kind of life. Anyways, I've just realized, we have been talking for a few minutes now and we haven't even exchange our names yet, my name's Nicole, what about you?"
Me: "My names Mark, nice to meet you, don't say that about your cabin, I think it looks special and it feels comfy and warm, it's that warmth that modern homes doesn't have."
Nicole: "I guess you're right, hey we should exchange numbers, you seem like a really good guy and since I don't have many friends, maybe we could start talking?'
Me: "Sure, I'd love to."
We exchanged numbers.
Me: "I'll be leaving now, if you need anyone to talk to or vent to, I'm always here."
Nicole: "Thanks and have a safe walk home!"
While I was walking home I kept thinking of her, I couldn't concentrate on where I was going, it was as if I fell in love with her at first sight, I didn't know what love felt like, I had never fallen in love, I never even had a crush. When I arrived home I realized what a mess my house was compared to her house, despite living in a rich environment, I was never happy. My dad passed away in a air crash accident when I was 9 and my mom is always working, we also live with my sister Emma and my uncle Tommy, who helps my mom do all the housework. My mom is a famous businesswoman, hence why we live in such a rich environment. Despite this, I never connected with rich kids, I found myself making friends with poor kids, maybe because I think most rich kids are jerks who are spoiled.
I went up to my bedroom to see my uncle and sister sleeping.
Me: "Guess mom's still working again."
As I was getting ready to sleep, I heard my phone beeped and vibrate, my friends rarely texts me so I was curious to see who it might be, it turns out it was Nicole.
Me (texting): "Don't you think it's a bit late?"
Me (texting): "Do you miss me already?"
Nicole (texting): "Nah, I just forgot to ask you a question, do you go to Claymore high?"
Me (texting): "Yeah how did you know?"
Nicole (texting): "I think I've seen before, we go to the same school btw."
Me (texting): "That's cool I guess."
Nicole (texting): "Aren't you that kid who always eat alone at breaks, don't you have any friends?"
Me (texting): "I hate hanging out with rich kids, I connect with poor kids more, I hang out with them secretly. If the rich kids know that I've been making friends with the poor kids instead of them, they'll probably start bullying me. Besides, I like being alone at breaks, it helps me collect my thoughts."
Nicole (texting): "They probably don't care about you since you don't hang out with them at all, why would they start bullying you if they don't care about you?"
Me (texting): "I guess your kinda right."
Nicole (texting): "A horde is better than a lone wolf."
Nicole (texting): "So would you like to be friends with me? We can become our own horde...'
Me (texting): 'You're desperate for friends aren't you, we just met like what...a few hours ago and you're already asking me to be your friend? :P"
Nicole (texting): "Yea, I think my friend count is lower than -1"
Me (texting): "Sure, let's be friends"
Nicole (texting): "Woah, it's 4 am already, thank god it's Sunday tomorrow. Anyways I gotta sleep, I'm feeling really tired, have a good night's rest ^^"
Me (texting): "Goodnight, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
That night, I don't know why but.....I kept thinking about her. Who knew my life would change that night.
CHAPTER 2
It had been nearly 2 weeks since we meet each other, it might not seem like that long but during that time we spent a lot of time together, we spent almost every hour of our free time together, it was as if we couldn't live without each other, it was like if we were born to be a couple, we had so much in common, I've never connected to anyone more than her. I was surprised that no one wanted to be friends with her, she had so many talents, drawing, playing piano, singing etc, and she was so....beautiful. It was as if she had a secret, a secret that everybody knew so they wouldn't be friends with her.
It was the 12th December 2015, the day before Nicole's birthday, I was in bed scrolling through Twitter as usual, when she suddenly texted me.
Nicole (texting): "Hey handsome."
Me (texting): "Handsome??"
Nicole (texting): "XD well I'm turning 16 tomorrow, what do you want to do?"
Me (texting): "Idk, tomorrow is Sunday, I'll probably stay home and play some COD or Minecraft."
Nicole (texting): "Well, that's a shame, I have no one to hang out with on my birthday :("
Me (texting): "Hmmmm, maybe it's time that I actually start spending time with other human beings instead of playing video games everyday XD"
Me (texting): "Maybe I could hang out with you :p"
Nicole (texting): "That's great! I would love to hang out with my best friend on my birthday."
Me (texting); "Best friend?"
Nicole (texting): "Well since we don't hang out with other people as much as each other recently, I was wondering if we could be best friends?"
At this moment I started feeling weird, I felt so happy, sure it can't be love, can it?
Me (texting): "Hell yea, best friends :)"
Nicole (texting): "Great! I thought it would be awkward but I'm glad you responded well."
Nicole (texting): "So where do you wanna meet?"
Me (texting): "It's your birthday so you should choose XD"
Nicole (texting): "How about the park? I haven't been to the park in ages, does 2 pm sound good to you?"
Me (texting): "Yup! Have a good night's rest, you don't want to feel tired the whole day on your birthday :P"
Nicole (texting): "Hah, I won't trust me, also I'm definitely NOT expecting a birthday gift from you ;)"
Me (texting): "Haha I'm sure."
Nicole (texting): 'Anyways, it's late, goodnight! ^^"
Me (texting): "Goodnight ^^"
That night I couldn't stop thinking about what should I buy her, I wanted it to be a simple but meaningful present, after I kept turning my body around on my bed, I decided that I will decide it tomorrow and that I should get a good night's sleep first.
The next day I went into a small shop near the park, it was already 1:30 pm, I didn't know that my house was that far away from the park, and since uncle Tommy was buying groceries, I had to walk. I was panicking and I had to make a decision fast, I quickly picked up two items and asked the shop worker to wrap it.
When I arrived at the park it was already 2:10 pm, I could see Nicole waving at me near a swing. She wore another hoodie, this time the hoodie was red, while I just wore a random t-shirt with some jeans. I always wondered if she was trying to express her feelings through what she was wearing, because I realized that the more we hang out, the brighter the color of the hoodie she wore. I'm still amazed at how a girl can be so cute naturally without any makeup.
Me: "Sorry I'm late, I didn't know the park was that far awa-"
Nicole: "Don't worry, do you really think that I would be mad at my best friend for being late? Besides, you're only 10 minutes late, I have a lot of patience."
She looked at the present I was hiding behind my back. She giggled and said:
Nicole: "Next time hide your presents better, I can see you're hiding them behind your back, so obvious."
Me: 'Oh."
Nicole: "Let's take a quick walk before we open my present shall we?"
Me: "Sure"
We walked and talked about ourselves, school and life in general for what seemed to be hours, we swung on swings and played with the children nearby just like as if we were still kids.
Nicole: "Mark?"
Me: "Yea?"
Nicole: "Don't you ever wish that you were still a child?"
Me: "No, why?"
Nicole: "When you're a child you don't have to worry about anything, you enjoy life as a child, but when you get older things start to get sad and depressing, you have to face the harsh reality of this world, you realize that the world is not colorful and happy, in fact it's dark and awful. I would rather live in an imaginary world where everything is positive rather than live in reality where everything is negative, I just miss the good old days you know? I'm already 16 and I don't have any goals or objectives in life, I just can't find any motivation to do anything, I just.....I want to die so badly.'
Tears started falling down Nicole's eyes
I was shocked at what she just said, I never knew she was this depressed on the inside, she was always a positive and outgoing girl on the outside. When I saw Nicole's tears, I couldn't help but help her wipe them off, I knew that she had gone through a lot in life, she never had any friends and she live in a awful environment. I hugged her and said:
Me: "Please don't cry, I know you never had any friends or people to rely on, but here I am, I'll always be there for you when you need me."
Nicole: "I'm sorry for that, just getting a little bit emotional on my birthday."
After that, I saw a busker playing guitar near us. I pointed to the busker and asked Nicole:
Me: "Hey, there's a busker there, he seems pretty good, do you want to go there and listen to him?"
Nicole: "Sure, I'd love to."
I asked the busker to play some calm and romantic music to calm Nicole down, the busker asked us:
Busker: "What brings you lovers here?"
Nicole blushed after hearing what the busker said. I awkwardly corrected him:
Me: "Oh...oh no, we're just best friends, it's her birthday today actually, we're just having a walk."
The busker giggled and said:
Busker: "Oh "best friends"? Really?"
Now we're both blushing hard.
Nicole talked to me about her problems and I asked her to start imagining a better future, a future where she's happy, where she's settled down, a future so good that would overlap what the past did to hurt her. She closed her eyes and started her imagination while we listened to the busker's guitar music for a good 10 minutes. During that time, I couldn't help but stare at her, I thought to myself:
Me (thinking): "Ah Mark stop! Why are you being such a creep?!"
Suddenly, she opened her eyes, she looked at me with a cute and sincere smile and said:
Nicole: "I hope you're part of my future."
I was speechless, was she trying to signal me something? I panicked and responded with:
Me: "I hope so too."
I didn't know what to say, that just came out of my mouth out of nowhere and I was embarrassed by it, we both blushed hard.
We listened to the busker for about a good 20 minutes more before we decided that we would open her present. I tipped the busker and he winked at me, till this day, I still don't know who that busker was but I swear to god that I will forever remember him.
We sat on a bench and she started opening up her presents, the present I gave her was a polaroid camera and an album. After she opened it I said:
Me: "I hope that we'll have many more amazing moments together, you can bring this camera everywhere and every time we have a unforgettable moment, you can take a picture and put it into this album, by the time we have our last breath, I hope we can fill this album up."
Nicole hugged me and started crying.
Nicole: "I don't know if we'll ever fill this album up but there's one thing that I'm sure of, and that's the fact that we'll be friends forever. Thank you so much Mark, this might be the best present I've ever gotten in my life."
I always thought it was funny that we went from complete strangers to "best friends forever" in 2 weeks, you'll never know what god throws at you in life, she just suddenly came into my life out of nowhere.
It was getting late so I offered to walk her home, before we started going home, we saw a poster on a shop that said that there was going to be a firework show at 11 am, I offered her to watch it with me, she responded with:
Nicole: "Won't your mom be mad at you?"
Me: "She never cares about me, all she cares about is money, I'm pretty sure she won't even realize that I'm not home."
Nicole: "Hey! Don't say that, you mom works so much isn't because she wants to get away from your family, she wants to earn as much money as possible so she can support your household.'
Me: "You don't get it Nicole....she......she..."
I couldn't say it.
Nicole: "What's the matter?"
My mom had a dark secret that only I knew, something that I've yet to confront her. I just couldn't tell Nicole....at least not yet.
Me: "I guess you're right, hey look! Here comes the fireworks!"
The fireworks were beautiful, it was a whole new experience for me, I've never watched fireworks with someone else before, every Christmas or new years I would always be lonely. I turned to Nicole and I just couldn't help but stare at her beauty once again, she was prettier than the stars, prettier than the fireworks, she shined the brightest amongst all of them. Thinking about it now, I wondered if she ever knew that I was staring at her, maybe she knew and she let me stare, maybe she knew that I had a little tiny crush on her already.
We saw everyone around us holding hands, she turned to me and asked:
Nicole: "Can we uh.....hold hands?"
Me: "Um....what?"
Nicole: "Everyone around us is holding hands, it would be weird if we didn't. But I don't want to make them think that we're...dating."
Me: "Who cares what they think, the most important thing is that we'll enjoy the fireworks and have a great time."
She grabbed my hand and said:
Nicole: "But can we still hold hands?"
Me: "Sure, it's your birthday, I'll do anything for you."
I saw her blushed in the cutest way possible, god she was so cute I wish you could see her.
Her hands were cold and soft, it seems like I could easily break her bones if I pressed her hand too hard, I'm not even a strong man.
She suddenly took out her polaroid camera and said:
Nicole: "Let's take a picture and put it in the album!"
We posed for the picture and she put it inside her album.
After the fireworks I asked her:
Me: "So what did you think of the fireworks?"
Nicole: "It was...special, it might be the best firework show I've ever watched."
Me: "Same here."
We sat down on the grass and looked up to the sky, the stars were absolutely beautiful.
Me: "Do you think that every time someone dies, they get reincarnated into a star?"
Nicole: "No, where did you get that idea?"
Me: "I'd like to think that once you die, you get reincarnated into a star, every star represents a person's story, they are watching us creating our new stories while their stories is being stored with them up there with billions and trillions of stars."
Nicole: "If that's true, I hope that I'll get to have my star be near yours when I die. You're the most special person I've ever met in my life, I've never been able to connect with any person as much as you."
We slept on the grass looking at the beautiful stars and talking about our lives. After a while, I looked at my watch, it was already 2 am, the park was now empty, we were so focused on talking and enjoying the stars that we forgot our surroundings.
I walked her to her cabin, before she went in, she said:
Nicole: "Mark, thanks for spending the day with me, this is the best birthday of my life...no...the best day of my life."
Me: "You're welcome, that's the least a best friend could do, I hope to spend many future birthdays with you."
She took out her polaroid camera and we posed for another picture.
Nicole gave me a small kiss on the cheek before she ran inside her cabin, I blushed and smiled while walking my way home. When I went inside my house, my mom, sister and uncle were already sleeping, I couldn't even bothered to be angry that they didn't call to check on me, I took a quick shower and brushed my teeth before going to bed, despite not eating dinner, I'm not feeling hungry at all. I tucked myself inside my blankets and whispered something before I went to sleep:
Me: "Thank you Nicole, today was the best day of my life as well."
Chapter 3 (NEW CHAPTER!!!)
It had been about a week and a half since that day, I still couldn't get that day out of my head, I think that was the day that I truly fell in love with her. We introduced my sister Emma and her brother Jamie to each other, they're now best friends as well, we hang out together almost every hour of the day, we do home work together, eat dinner together, play games together etc. I had never felt so happy in my life. Before this month started I thought that this would be a horrible month but it turns out this was one of the best months of my life. I wish I could turn back time to this day just to relive every moment, it truly felt like a good time to be alive.
It was Christmas eve, I felt fantastic as usual, I won't be lonely on Christmas for a change. I did my normal daily routine then I heard a beep and a vibration, it was a text message from Nicole:
Nicole (texting): "Hey handsome"
Me (texting): "Hey Nic, what's up?"
Nicole (texting): "You'll never guess what happened to me last night ^^"
Me (texting): "Hmmmm......did your post blow up overnight again? XD"
Nicole (texting): "Nope! Something better!"
Me (Texting): "You finally got rid of the monster under your bed?"
Nicole (texting): "Nope!"
Me (texting): "So what is it?"
Nicole: "You know Jason right?"
Me (texting): "Yea, that rich kid that everybody hates."
Nicole (Texting): "HEY! DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT HIM!"
Me (texting): "Excuse me?"
Nicole (texting): "He came to my cabin in the middle of the night with a basket of flowers asking me to be his girlfriend!"
Nicole (texting): "It was the cutest thing everrrrr"
Nicole (texting): "You don't know how long I've been waiting for this moment Mark, I simply couldn't reject it, I've had a crush on him for 5 years XD"
I freeze, I didn't know what to do, I was confused and heartbroken at the same time. Nicole had a crush on this jerk for 5 years? How come she never told me? They don't even hang out as much as we do! Didn't she like me? Didn't she tried to signal me something at the park?
So many emotions rushed through inside my body, I had so many questions. Tears didn't start roiling down my face, nor I felt sad or happy for her, I just felt emotionless.
Me (texting): "Congrats I guess"
Me (texting): "I gotta go my mom called me"
Nicole (texting): "Ok then, talk to yo-"
I blocked her number before she could finish typing.
I finished dressing up and went outside to try to collect my thoughts, I just sat on the snow looking at other people. My sister came outside of the house and asked me:
Emma: "Mark? What are you doing out here? You've been sitting here for an hour!"
Me: "I don't know, I'm trying to collect my thoughts."
Emma: "What's going on Mark? Nicole texted me like crazy, she's worried about you, why did you block her number?"
Me: "She belongs to Jason now."
Emma: "Wait WHAT?! Jason and Nicole are dating now? H-how did this happen?"
Me: "Nicole said she had a crush on this cunt for 5 years now, so when Jason asked her to be his girlfriend, she immediately accepted."
Emma: "Then why are you so sad? Shouldn't you feel happy for her? Wait, don't tell me you have fee-"
Me: "Yes I have feelings for her."
Emma was shocked..
Emma: "Oh...I-I'm so sorry Mark, if you really love Nicole you should be glad that she has found her happiness. You should try to mo-"
Me: "I CAN'T MOVE ON, SHE WAS THE FIRST PERSON THAT I'VE EVER LOVED!!!"
Emma: "Di-did you just fucking shout at me?"
Me: ....
Emma: "I can't believe this, I'm just trying to help you here. Everyone is looking at us now, ughh."
Emma slammed the door and went back into the house, tears flowed down my cheeks and I started crying, I didn't even care that my neighbors were watching me with a weird look on their face. I'm still surprised that no one recorded that and put it onto their social medias, 2015 was a different time back then.
I sat there for most of the day and in the end I realized that Emma was right, me and Nicole wasn't meant to be and I must move on. I went back into the house for dinner and I saw Emma watching Moonraker, I thought to myself:
Me (thinking): "Huh, a Bond film, she never watches those."
I walked up to her and said:
Me: "Hey"
Emma: ...
Me: "Why are you watching a Bond film? I thought you didn't like those."
Emma: ...
Me: "I guess you're a little bit moody today, that's why you're watching it, am I right?"
Emma: ...
Mark: "I'm sorry for shouting at you, I regret it, I was angry and confused at that time, I don't want to have a stupid sibling fight on Christmas eve, please accept my apology."
Emma: ...
Me: "Did you say anything to Nicole about what happened?"
Emma: "I said you're a cunt."
Me: "Excuse me, what?"
Emma: "I SAID YOU'RE A FUCKING CUNT"
Me: "I can't be bothered to talk to you right now, you're so goddam childish."
I went over to eat dinner with my mom and uncle, Emma didn't want to eat dinner despite my mom's numerous attempts of yelling at her.
Mom: "FINE! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT DINNER THEN DON'T COME BEGGING ME FOR FOOD WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY!"
Emma: ...
I went upstairs and laid on my bed, I unblocked Nicole and texted her:
Me (texting): "Hey Nicole, sorry for blocking you, that was a mistake. I was suppose to block my sister, we got into a big fight."
I didn't know if this was a good idea or not but I decided to lie to Nicole, she couldn't know that I had feelings for her.
Nicole (texting): "Yea I can see that, when I asked her what's wrong with you, she responded by saying that you're a cunt XD"
Me (texting): "You're not mad at me?"
Nicole (texting): "Why would I be mad at you? Didn't you said that it was a mistake?"
Nicole (texting): "What did you guys fight about anyways? It's Christmas Eve, can't you guys not fight?"
Me (texting): "We fight over the smallest things XD"
Nicole (texting): "Hah I understand, me and Jamie always fight about the smallest things as well."
We kept texting each other for about another 3 hours.
Nicole (texting): "Hahah I'm about to go to sleep, have a good night's rest <3"
Me (texting): "You too ^^"
Even though that <3 at the end of her sentence was the smallest of things, it melted my heart.
Before I went to sleep, I checked on Emma, she was still watching a movie, this time it was "The Living Daylights", I went up to her and said:
Me: "Hey, it's a bit late, I think you should go to sleep."
Emma: "I'm sorry."
Me: "Wow you finally calmed down."
Emma: "I was being childish."
Me: "That's fine, we were both being childish, I'm glad that we can reconcile again."
Emma: "Hey, these Bond films are pretty good, I can't believe I never watched any of them."
Me: "I've literally been trying to get you to watch one for years now."
We both giggled.
I heard Emma's stomach rumbling, I knew she was hungry so I offered to cook her some noodles to eat. Thank god my mom and uncle was sleeping at that time, I tried to cook it without making to much noise. While she was eating, we both made and laughed at our horrible jokes before I washed the dishes and went to bed.
It was not the best of days, but I'm glad everything worked out in the end.
Chapter 4 (NEW CHAPTER!!!)
Christmas day was special, we spent the whole day together and I actually felt...happy for once. Sure I got shitty gifts like usual, socks, dvds etc, but I didn't feel lonely, I had Jamie, Nicole and Emma with me, we felt like an inseparable group, like pre 80s ABBA.
After Christmas our time together slowly dipped, it was now only Jamie, Emma and Me, Nicole started hanging out with Jason a lot more, every time I texted her she would say that she had a date with Jason or something, it was starting to get frustrating.
February 14th 2016, Nicole was buying flowers for Jason since it was Valentines day, while she was walking home she saw Jason holding another girl's hand and...kissing her. Nicole dropped the flowers and ran to my house and cried. I was confused because I didn't know what had happened, when she had calmed down and told me what had happened, I swear I felt a huge rage forming inside my body, I knew he was a fuckboy but how can anyone cheat on such a beautiful girl? I swear I wanted to punch that jerk's face so bad. I comforted her for a bit and I had to ask this question.
Me: "I don't want to sound weird or anything but....why are you in love with Jason? You guys didn't seem to hang out that much before you guys started dating and you both are so different."
Nicole "You don't understand, we have a backstory."
Me: "A backstory?"
Nicole: "When I was young, my parents didn't have a job, no one wanted to hire them, we were homeless, we literally had no money, to a point where sometimes we would have to starve through the entire week, his family gave us half of their money, we wouldn't have been alive if it wasn't for them. You might not even realize it but, the cabin was built by my father and his father. Me and Jason spent most of our childhood together, we couldn't live without each other. We started drifting apart when we were 14 but we were still good friends. I swore to god that I will love him forever, no matter what, I would try to win his heart. Even if he just randomly proposed to me out of nowhere, I would still accept it. I was obsessed with him. He changed as time moved on, even if he's the popular fuckboy kid now, I still love him. I became more and more obsessed with him, I would stalk him on all of his social medias every night. When he asked me to become his girlfriend, I had never felt happier, I felt like I finally had goals in my life. I understand now, he has changed, he's no longer the Jason I know and love, I.....I must move on but I don't know if I can."
I felt a my heart ache after hearing this, I had never seen her so sad, I didn't know her past was this sad, her family was literally homeless during most of her childhood. I was speechless, I look at her in the eyes and said what my heart told me to say:
Me: "I know you've gone through a lot, but see, things got better overtime. Somethings in life are just not meant to be, change is a permanent thing in life, to have a better future you need to be strong and move on from the past. You're still so young, you'll met your special one in the future, maybe he's around you and you haven't realize it yet."
Looking back now, I cringe at my attempt to try and comfort her, but somehow it worked.
I continue letting her vent to me for a few hours before she went back to her cabin, it's been a while since she talked to me for this long. She waved goodbye to me and I realized that she wasn't wearing any makeup, I never knew how I didn't notice that, she's the rare kind of girl who doesn't need makeup to make her look beautiful.
February 21, 2016, a few days had past since that awful day and Nicole had gathered enough courage to confront and break up with Jason. During the days before that I had been encouraging her and talking to her to make sure she's fine, it was obvious to me that she wasn't over Jason yet but had accepted that he had changed.
It was Sunday morning and I was playing Sunday league football with other friends, I had started making and hanging out with friends since Nicole came into my life, every time when I'm down all I needed to do was to think of Nicole, she was really something special. It was half-time and my team was leading 2-0, I scored one of the goals by scoring a Messi like free kick into the top bins of the net. It was half time and Nicole called me:
Nicole (call): "Mark, please help me.'
I could hear a loud banging noise in the background, I was really scared for Nicole.
Me (call): "What's going on?"
Nicole (call): "I've just confronted Jason and he literally just freaked out, I swear he's fucking crazy. I don't know what to do. I'm scared."
Me (call): "Where are you now?"
Nicole (call): "I locked myself in the bathroom when he started throwing things at me, he is currently outside banging the goddam door. His parents aren't home and I don't know their number so I can't call them for help. I just called my parents but they didn't pick up, I think they forgot to bring their phones to work, fuck my life."
Me (call): "Hold on! I'm calling his parents!"
I called Jason's mom:
Jason's mom (call): "Hello, who is this?"
Me (call): "I'm Mark, one of Nicole's friends, Nicole just confronted Jason about him cheating and he literally just freaked out and started throwing things at her, please go home and stop him, Nicole's in danger!"
Jason's mom (call): "WHAT???!!! I'M COMING HOME!"
Me (call): "Please also call your husband and tell him about the situation."
Jason's mom (call): "WILL DO"
I continued my football match but I couldn't stop thinking about Nicole. Somehow thinking about Nicole made me more motivated, I ended up scoring a hat trick and getting 2 assists to help my team win 6-2. My friends wanted to celebrate my Man of The Match performance but I refused, I went to Jason's house to see Nicole crying beside Jason's mom. Jason was nowhere to be seen. I went in there with my dirty football kit on and asked:
Me: "What happened? Where's Jason? Are you okay Nic?
Jason's mom: "We arrived just in time, Jason broke into the room and started hitting Nicole, she was bleeding but we managed to stop Jason before it got too serious. His dad dragged him to the park to calm him down."
My heart ache when she said that, I couldn't bear seeing Nicole like this, I hugged Nicole tightly and we started to cry.
Me: "I'm sorry I put football ahead of you, I should have quit the match and come here to stop him, I'm sorry it's all my fault."
Nicole: "It's not your fault, I wouldn't have known what to do if I were in your situation."
Me: "You still have some blood that you haven't wipe of, let me help you wipe it off."
I helped her wipe off the blood.
Nicole smiled.
Me: "You look beautiful when you smile, I haven't seen you smile recently, you should smile more."
Nicole giggled and said:
Nicole: "That's the first time someone call me beautiful, thank you."
We flirted for a bit before Jason's mom send us home, I wondered what she thought when she saw me flirting with her son's ex, I always wanted to ask her but I guess now is too late.
Before we parted ways Nicole took out her polaroid camera.
Me: “Wow so you're really bringing this camera everywhere with you?"
Nicole: "Yup!"
We took a picture outside my house before I went into my house to continue my day, I spent most of that day playing Minecraft with Nicole, Jamie and Emma online and we had a blast.
------To Be Continued------
Author's notes after writing
Fuck I can't believe this took me 4 hours
I just reread chapter 3 and my god it's cringy as fuck I think I might need to rewrite it in the future
I just realize this whole story is Mark writing a letter, how can he remember the exact dialog of each conversation 😩😩 I fucked up real bad
I'm going to eat dinner now goodbye and have a nice day
also the football in chapter 4 refers to soccer not american football
if you have any suggestions please tell me even tho I already have ideas for another 10 chapters lmao
submitted by RobbieIDK to teenagers [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 15:44 grim-bird I feel so lost sometimes

I can't go by one day without thinking about my shortcomings. let me give you an example so I can paint a better picture: on my usual day routine I wake up, look into the mirror, feel a tinkling of happiness. and then boom! You might not know it but this is where my existential dread sets in. I can't go by one day without feeling confident in myself, atleast not with me regretting it later. Every day feels like a waste even if I do something crazy productive or something that i enjoy a lot. I shame myself about small things I do that i know only a few people might judge me for yet I still can't help feeling worthless. like it's gotten so bad that I can't enjoy gaming anymore if there isn't someone im playing with who can distract me from my feelings. And man! do I remember how I loved to game no matter how. Do you wanna guess what these fleeting memories lead back around to? You guessed it! More existential dread baby! I feel like my life is an endless loop of constant dissapointment. I honestly believe that one day people will realise that I am fake and I am terrified of the thought of that happening to me, which you guessed it! Introduced anxiety into the mix. But hey atleast I got this one bomb ass outfit from Pull&Bear. It's guaranteed compliment bait so I can wear it on days im not fealing so fine so that my classmates give me the free positive reinforcement that I crave oh so much. But then again I start doubting myself about if im wearing it because I want it or if I only wear the outfit for positive words that activate the dopamine in my brain. Lately that has stopped working so it doesn't even matter. The reason for this is because I accept compliments like a atm accepts old money. I leave school with the feeling of that I could've saved myself so much awkwardness if acted normall for once, much more so than normal. Sometimes I do get these rare moments of clarity about how stuff actually is for example: tonight! I was finnaly able to reflect on myself without poisoning my perception of myself (which is probably gonna fade in a couple of hours!). With these moments I realise how much im screwing myself over with my self deprecating thought proces. although one good trend I see is that im standing up more for myself which is nice so I dont just sit there while a bully just tears into me. I think im going to get better but im still uncertain if im ever gonna be truly comfortable with myself. The type of comfortability you get from being with a trusted friend on a friday night. But maybe thats only achievable with friends, and tbh i have not been doing so hot to get some new friends. My school just started a few months ago and I was divided up in a class where all my mutuals an friends where seperated from me into other classes. And boy oh boy do find some of these new strangers insufferable, I know thats rich coming from me but god some of my male classmates are on the verge of constanly making misogynistic remarks. Wait nvm I remembered that they already judge some girls for stuff for being girls and idk man but I feel so uncomfortable here. Why did lady luck have to hit me like this bro. So, to recap: i need friends that I can trust to be truly comfortable and happy, but al my friends are in different classes and I rather not associate with some of the people in my class. this basically means that im fucked in that department and man i truly do think that if things go on like this that i might lose the connections with my friends and that ill be alone for the rest of the year, stuck with weirdos and a handful of decent people. It's like remembering a really embarassing moment I had, a wave of second-hand anxiety and dread washes over me every time I get reminded about this. To finish things up ( because this is getting too long ), my last quesion for anybody reading this is: if there is anybody who has had the same experiences like this can they please share their story of how they got better since im miserable in this state and i can maybe use your experience to help myself. that wass all thank you very much for reading XXX btw, thanks I apreciate you
Hey thank you for listening to my rant about myself. sorry if my grammar was bad im still learning english
tl;dr - I feel worthless and that feeling keeps leading to more and more hopelesness pls help
submitted by grim-bird to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 15:19 discountwalmart DAE wish for unwanted attention or even harassment?

Yeah, I'm fully aware it isn't a healthy way of thinking, thanks for telling me. I'm also fully aware that this might be a thing for women mainly, I honestly don't know how uncommon it is for non-FA men to receive unwanted attention from women.
Anyway.
Ever since I was a kid, I've been envious of other girls getting unwanted attention. I was never the kid to have boys pull my hair or tease me just because they liked me, and I knew full well it meant I wasn't pretty. Same has gone for my entire adult life. It's rare to encounter women that doesn't ever feel unsafe or uncomfortable because they get approached, flirted with or even harassed in their everyday life: At work, the gym, the pub, online, or even at the grocery store. Well, I'm not one of them. There hasn't been a single instant of a man catcalling me, trying to chat me up, or harassing me one way or another, and again, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why.
Deep down, I'm obviously happy that I actually can do whatever I want whenever I want, without ever having to worry about my safety. But reality's also that I'm so god damn fucking envious. I wish I could be pretty or just decent looking enough that I'd get the same unwanted attention: Drunk men behaving inappopriately at the bar, colleagues or customers hitting on me each and every day, catcalling, literally anything that'd make me a normal, attractive woman with the same experiences that normal, attractive women apparently all share. I can't even see myself reacting negatively to any form of harassment, I'd just be flattered and happy, because it'd make me feel normal and wanted. A stranger once stopped me in the street just to say my hair was beautiful before they went on their way, and I was almost crying from joy and couldn't stop smiling; With that in mind, I can't even imagine how wolf whistling or someone grabbing my ass would make me feel.
Anyone relating at all? Again, I know it's unhealthy AF and I'm not in any way defending harassment or claiming anyone should appreciate unwanted attention. Still, I just can't help that I want to experience it too.
submitted by discountwalmart to ForeverAlone [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 15:11 FishStyxRP [AAR] A silver lining.

Overview
• Name of Run: A silver lining. (Bubblegum solo)
• Run Link: NA
• Date: 2929/11/21
• Time: 14:00
• Duration: 2 hours
• Threat: Med
• Scheduling: Scheduled
• GM: FishStyxRP
• Runners: Bubblegum
• Johnson: N/A
• Relevant NPCs: Matoko
• Location: Japan, the astral
• Opposition: Spirits in Japan
• Casualties: N/A
• Collateral: N/A
• Synopsis: Bubblegum became entangled with a Tanuki spirit and travels to Japan in order to find a force strong enough to undo the life pact. In the process he changes to the Shinto tradition.
• Run Rewards: Bubblegum becomes Shinto
────────
Background
Bubblegum had noticed that someone was stealing apples from his green house and in the process of tracking down the animal steps in front of a truck and is sent to his death. While teetering between life and death, the animal, who is actually a spirit, makes a life pack with him so that he is spared because of the guilt she felt. Afterwards, she tries to walk away but finds the two of them are bound by an ethereal silver thread. Now realizing the gravity of what she has done, the two seek to undo the pact which was formed out of inexperience, luck and fate.
Run
After talking to Bubblegums sensei, the two head to Japan via the astral and meet a shrine maidens, modern day spirits and uncovers part of Matoko's past that caused her to flee Japan just a few months ago. Eventually they find a shrine God strong enough to help them sever the pact. Prior to doing so, Bubblegum proves himself in combat and accepts the blessings of the shrine.
Aftermath
The player chose to spend downtime to take Matoko as a contact. As a result of thievery a few hundred years ago, she is a spirit cursed by the spiritual principality in Fukuoka and is stuck in either the physical form of a raccoon or a young girl. While she can still project like a mage, she can not dematerialize and manifest like normal spirits.
submitted by FishStyxRP to NeonAAR [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 14:32 Blueflamealchemist [Repost] Decent kids needing a little extra this year

Hi, I’m Blue, single mom of 2 fantastic kids (and 3 silly kitties) in need of a little extra help this year. I am an “essential employee” at one of our local hospitals (VA, City, State) that has worked this whole pandemic, living paycheck to paycheck. While some people were getting unemployment checks, I was working full time making way less. It’s sucks, but we keep going. While I was working, the kids were at home, tackling virtual learning, and trying to not get cabin fever. After working a full day, I’d come home, make dinner, and take them out to a park for fresh air and freedom. I was/am continuously exhausted. During the day, my daughter Jon-A (12) is running the household, keeping her brother in line with chores and homework, and being available with quick-response messages.
https://www.santaslittlehelpers.net/registrations/img/photos/20201113041651_60944EEB-CBD6-4D8A-B849-1AB70225F874.jpeg (I hope I did that right)
She is a great kid who’s taken on more responsibility than I’ve ever given her, and has done everything I asked like a champ. She loves to craft and make things, paint, or draw. She also loves mangas/anime (currently reading Death Note) and Pokémon (just the artwork, she doesn’t play the card game, lol) Her fav tv shows are New Girl, Friends, and Stranger Things. For Halloween this year, she went as El, and rocked it! She’s in AP math and Science and maintains an A average. She also started Band this year, currently 1st chair!
She’s picked out the coloring books. I think it will help with the anxiety she’s been feeling lately, coming to womanhood, school, and the social constructs of 6th grade.
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/2R59NKSELCKUV/?ref_=lol_ov_le&viewType=list
Sidney (soon to be 10) is a rambunctious boy with lots of energy and 4 stomachs. This kid eats anything and everything, then runs it off, and eats another full meal after an hour! If it wasn’t for food stamps, I wouldn’t be able to keep up with his appetite. Thanks to Goodwill’s prices, and generous hand-me-downs from a church member, we’ve been able to keep his growing body clothed.
https://www.santaslittlehelpers.net/registrations/img/photos/20201113041652_8590D0A1-C50C-4D75-9187-493D407434DB.jpeg
He’s into building things, with Legos or kits, cats, and all things space or NASA related. His fav tv shows are thinknoodle from YouTube (I think), Stranger Things, and Oscar’s Oasis on Netflix (If you haven’t seen it, I do recommend it’s Tom and Jerry like humor) We’ve recently started FullMetal Alchemist, and he loves it!! Halloween this year, he went as a demogorgon from Stranger Things, creepy poses included! (Check post history for pics) He is in Gifted and Talented, and has a quick visual learning ability. He hopes to be an astronaut one day, and with his high scores in math and science, I think it may be a reality.
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3KUA3KOOUPBDK/?ref_=lol_ov_le
These kids have been phenomenal this year, taking what comes at them in stride, and not getting upset when things don’t go their way, or I’m too tired from work to go the extra mile. I feel they deserve a better Christmas this year, and I can’t do it on my own. It takes a village to raise kids.
Just a side note: I do not receive child support nor any help from the kids’ father. I do get Gov assistance in Food Stamps and Medicare for the kids.
God Bless to those that believe, and to those that don’t, I love you too. Merry Christmas :)
submitted by Blueflamealchemist to SantasLittleHelpers [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 14:20 Volchitsanna How to help a closeted LGBT+ Mormon? Reposting here because Mormonism is a cult.

Reposted from exmormon
I didn't know where else I could get advice, so here I am. I guess I'll start with some backstory. My (20f) best friend (20f) of 8 years was raised in a very strict military Mormon family. We met when we were 12, and from the moment I met her, I knew her as an independent, free thinker who sprinkled as much rebellion as she could into her life. This is a huge part of why we were inseparable for so long. I would go to her church's youth group with her every Wednesday for years, and she and I always went off and got up to some mischief, never focusing much on the religious aspect and just enjoying each others company. I even went to the Mormon girls summer camp with her for a couple years. Now, I am not Mormon (am Wiccan) and I witnessed firsthand how weird her church was, though a lot of it didn't click until I got older. I never worried much about her religious stance because she always has accepted me the way I am, and she always questioned things for herself. Since her family was so strict that her parents often treated their 3 kids like they were in the military too, she often got stressed out about her home life and would vent to me about how she felt pressured to be a certain way by everyone around her, sometimes in tears. I was always there for her, but never worried too much because she always did what she wanted anyways. Looking back, it was always very obvious that she is a lesbian. She was always extremely snuggly and affectionate with girls, including me. There was something between us when we were like 14, mainly initiated by her, but it was stomped out quickly. Her first kiss was a girl. She was my first girl crush, which made me realize I do like girls a bit as well. She hardly dated at all, but it was always a guy.
Fast forward to 3 years ago, her family decided to move across the country (US west to east coast, so very far). Once she moved, it was more difficult to maintain our friendship and we drifted apart more. I had a boyfriend, and she started secretly seeing some mid 20's military vet she met in an RV park, to whom she lost her virginity. Around that point, she started caring about church more. Around mid 2019, she calls me one night and says she decided to go on a mission. She and I didn't talk nearly as much as we used to anymore, but it still seemed really weird, especially since it isn't necessary for girls to go. She said she went to a meeting one night and decided she wanted to go. I questioned it, since she has ALWAYS been extremely impulsive, but she insisted it was the right thing for her. My boyfriend (who she really likes btw) and I took a long road trip out there to see her and see if anything was up, but it was really awkward and we ended up leaving after only 3 days. Then she left. I was shocked she actually went.
And true to her impulsive character, she didn't stay for the whole mission because she didn't feel like it anymore, and she went home. That was back in April. She called me one day to say she was back (I was shocked again) and she told me and my bf to move across the country to move into an apartment with her. We said no, because we are already moving with my family soon, and also the pandemic and so and so. I hadn't talked to her at all the entire time she was on her mission (9 or so months) and I didn't know what to say to her, so we hardly talk anymore.
A couple months ago, she texts me one day that she got a boyfriend. I'm like "wow that's awesome, I'm glad you're happy with him!" and blah blah blah. The VERY NEXT DAY, she texts me to say they're getting married. Instantly, I'm like... wtf. In all the years I knew her, she was always the "independent I-don't-need-no-man" type, so she was the last one of our friends I expected to ever settle down and get married, let alone at 20. I told my mom, who knew and loved her, and she was super weirded out. I asked my friend how long she's even been with this guy---- 4 months. I start prying, asking if she's sure, and if she's okay, if something happened, all the like. All I got out of her was that "she loves him, she is sure about it, and he is great to her." I figured that since I don't know her much anymore, I should look past it and respect it and move on.
Today she texts me, saying she's going on a solo road trip early next year and she wants to see me and my family in the place we're moving to early next year. Of course I was happy about that. She elaborates that she wants to live out of her car for a bit and reflect on herself. I ask her if she's still getting married, as she told me that she'd be marrying that guy this month. She said she doesn't know, and then she came out to me. Honestly, it all made sense, I mean, growing up, I thought she was at the very least bisexual. This was the first thing she said that made sense to me since she moved away from our town. She explained, and in short, she realized she was a lesbian on her mission, and since being gay is so bad, she basically has been trying to "pray the gay away." She went home, went on a date with a guy who had a crush on her for like 2 years, and immediately disclosed that she is experiencing same-sex attraction, and I guess that didn't matter to this guy. They got together, he got babtized into the the Mormon church, they decided to get married, and now she is very understandably getting cold feet and is contemplating leaving him.
This is the part where I need advice. So basically, my friend grew up in a very strict structured house and religion. There have always been rules and people around her to use as a crutch, and she is a very impulsive, erratic, and non committal person. When she has no structure or people telling her what to do, she doesn't really seem to know what direction to take and ends up doing something crazy. When she moved away from all her friends, graduated high school and had to decide what to do with her life, she got lost in the vastness of everything and ended up using her religion as a crutch. As I'm sure plenty of you know, Mormonism is a cult. To this day, Mormonism is the only consistent, stable thing in her life. Everything else, she has either quit, changed her mind, or drifted away from. I feel I am also at fault for this because I am the only person who has consistently been her friend all these years and I have not been making an effort in our friendship these last couple years because she got all religious and her church freaks me out a bit. Anyways, she realized she was gay, and her church says that's bad, so she tried to force herself into a heterosexual relationship, and that is not working out. She truly does believe her in her religion, and says she has had some significant experiences with God, and she is lost on whether or not to "defy God or defy herself," as she put it. I am worried about her. The last 3 years of our friendship have been weird and this is the first glimmer I've seen of the person I knew in a loooong time. She says she wants to transfer to a Mormon college in Utah and ask her peers for advice and help there. I fear that that will not go very well for her.
Has anyone had any experiences similar to this? Any ex Mormons who struggled with their sexuality? What can I do to help her, if anything at all? While Mormonism is culty and very off-putting to me, my goal isn't to drag her away from her relationship with God, even though I have very different beliefs, it is just to help her accept herself, to get on her feet and find a path in life where she doesn't have to rely on others telling her what is okay or not okay. Though I will admit, if she leaves her sketchy butt cult religion, I would certainly not be complaining. If you read all this, thank you so much!
submitted by Volchitsanna to cults [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 13:52 Volchitsanna How to help a closeted LGBT+ Mormon?

I didn't know where else I could get advice, so here I am. I guess I'll start with some backstory. My (20f) best friend (20f) of 8 years was raised in a very strict military Mormon family. We met when we were 12, and from the moment I met her, I knew her as an independent, free thinker who sprinkled as much rebellion as she could into her life. This is a huge part of why we were inseparable for so long. I would go to her church's youth group with her every Wednesday for years, and she and I always went off and got up to some mischief, never focusing much on the religious aspect and just enjoying each others company. I even went to the Mormon girls summer camp with her for a couple years. Now, I am not Mormon (am Wiccan) and I witnessed firsthand how weird her church was, though a lot of it didn't click until I got older. I never worried much about her religious stance because she always has accepted me the way I am, and she always questioned things for herself. Since her family was so strict that her parents often treated their 3 kids like they were in the military too, she often got stressed out about her home life and would vent to me about how she felt pressured to be a certain way by everyone around her, sometimes in tears. I was always there for her, but never worried too much because she always did what she wanted anyways. Looking back, it was always very obvious that she is a lesbian. She was always extremely snuggly and affectionate with girls, including me. There was something between us when we were like 14, mainly initiated by her, but it was stomped out quickly. Her first kiss was a girl. She was my first girl crush, which made me realize I do like girls a bit as well. She hardly dated at all, but it was always a guy.
Fast forward to 3 years ago, her family decided to move across the country (US west to east coast, so very far). Once she moved, it was more difficult to maintain our friendship and we drifted apart more. I had a boyfriend, and she started secretly seeing some mid 20's military vet she met in an RV park, to whom she lost her virginity. Around that point, she started caring about church more. Around mid 2019, she calls me one night and says she decided to go on a mission. She and I didn't talk nearly as much as we used to anymore, but it still seemed really weird, especially since it isn't necessary for girls to go. She said she went to a meeting one night and decided she wanted to go. I questioned it, since she has ALWAYS been extremely impulsive, but she insisted it was the right thing for her. My boyfriend (who she really likes btw) and I took a long road trip out there to see her and see if anything was up, but it was really awkward and we ended up leaving after only 3 days. Then she left. I was shocked she actually went.
And true to her impulsive character, she didn't stay for the whole mission because she didn't feel like it anymore, and she went home. That was back in April. She called me one day to say she was back (I was shocked again) and she told me and my bf to move across the country to move into an apartment with her. We said no, because we are already moving with my family soon, and also the pandemic and so and so. I hadn't talked to her at all the entire time she was on her mission (9 or so months) and I didn't know what to say to her, so we hardly talk anymore.
A couple months ago, she texts me one day that she got a boyfriend. I'm like "wow that's awesome, I'm glad you're happy with him!" and blah blah blah. The VERY NEXT DAY, she texts me to say they're getting married. Instantly, I'm like... wtf. In all the years I knew her, she was always the "independent I-don't-need-no-man" type, so she was the last one of our friends I expected to ever settle down and get married, let alone at 20. I told my mom, who knew and loved her, and she was super weirded out. I asked my friend how long she's even been with this guy---- 4 months. I start prying, asking if she's sure, and if she's okay, if something happened, all the like. All I got out of her was that "she loves him, she is sure about it, and he is great to her." I figured that since I don't know her much anymore, I should look past it and respect it and move on.
Today she texts me, saying she's going on a solo road trip early next year and she wants to see me and my family in the place we're moving to early next year. Of course I was happy about that. She elaborates that she wants to live out of her car for a bit and reflect on herself. I ask her if she's still getting married, as she told me that she'd be marrying that guy this month. She said she doesn't know, and then she came out to me. Honestly, it all made sense, I mean, growing up, I thought she was at the very least bisexual. This was the first thing she said that made sense to me since she moved away from our town. She explained, and in short, she realized she was a lesbian on her mission, and since being gay is so bad, she basically has been trying to "pray the gay away." She went home, went on a date with a guy who had a crush on her for like 2 years, and immediately disclosed that she is experiencing same-sex attraction, and I guess that didn't matter to this guy. They got together, he got babtized into the the Mormon church, they decided to get married, and now she is very understandably getting cold feet and is contemplating leaving him.
This is the part where I need advice. So basically, my friend grew up in a very strict structured house and religion. There have always been rules and people around her to use as a crutch, and she is a very impulsive, erratic, and non committal person. When she has no structure or people telling her what to do, she doesn't really seem to know what direction to take and ends up doing something crazy. When she moved away from all her friends, graduated high school and had to decide what to do with her life, she got lost in the vastness of everything and ended up using her religion as a crutch. As I'm sure plenty of you know, Mormonism is a cult. To this day, Mormonism is the only consistent, stable thing in her life. Everything else, she has either quit, changed her mind, or drifted away from. I feel I am also at fault for this because I am the only person who has consistently been her friend all these years and I have not been making an effort in our friendship these last couple years because she got all religious and her church freaks me out a bit. Anyways, she realized she was gay, and her church says that's bad, so she tried to force herself into a heterosexual relationship, and that is not working out. She truly does believe her in her religion, and says she has had some significant experiences with God, and she is lost on whether or not to "defy God or defy herself," as she put it. I am worried about her. The last 3 years of our friendship have been weird and this is the first glimmer I've seen of the person I knew in a loooong time. She says she wants to transfer to a Mormon college in Utah and ask her peers for advice and help there. I fear that that will not go very well for her.
Has anyone had any experiences similar to this? Any ex Mormons who struggled with their sexuality? What can I do to help her, if anything at all? While Mormonism is culty and very off-putting to me, my goal isn't to drag her away from her relationship with God, even though I have very different beliefs, it is just to help her accept herself, to get on her feet and find a path in life where she doesn't have to rely on others telling her what is okay or not okay. Though I will admit, if she leaves her sketchy butt cult religion, I would certainly not be complaining. If you read all this, thank you so much!
submitted by Volchitsanna to exmormon [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 13:09 Nat_writes I don't know how to handle this...

So, I have a hard time getting close to people. I isolate heavily, and haven't made a real friend since I was a child. It has progressively gotten worse since my traumas have piled on over the years.
However, some things have been relatively well the past few years. I was able to find a wonderful husband and get married, and he has really helped me heal. I have been in therapy for almost a year and I have finally found a job that I really enjoy. However, my mental health has still been a struggle because I find it hard to relate to others after everything I went through (I always felt like this, but even more so now)
The biggest thing that makes it hard with family (not mine I am no contact) with Thanksgiving upcoming is my sister in law. She has a very flagrant and privileged personality. I want to just let these feelings go, but it is so difficult.
Let me explain: I grew up very poor in a small town, and most people around me didn't have crazy amounts of money either. My husband and I are comfortable, but have average jobs and average degrees, we are not well off the way he grew up. Their family comes from generations of money on top of the fact that their parents and many in their family have high paying jobs that I didn't even fathom I would be interacting with being where I am from. His parents are nice enough, but definitely live in a bubble.
His sister especially so. She is in her 30s and can't keep a job. She lives of her parents money moving to different cities every few years and is poly so dates around, but all on her parents dime. She also went to school for herbalism paid for by her parents.....a non accredited degree with no student aid money because of that. And not to mention she got a degree in art history already at an upstate private college that cost around $50,000 a year . Basically, she lives a charmed life which makes it even harder for me by her insistence that she has it so hard.
I don't describe these things to hate on being poly, art history degrees or herbalism, but just to describe that we are very different people. And how her privelige allowed her her life choices and current lifestyle with expensive degrees she doesn't use, and no need to settle down to make a living. I am demisexual and a hard and fast believer in science. I also had a bad experience with the type of herbalism she does when I was a child because my abusive dad tried to cure my sister's type one diabetes with tinctures, herbs, and a diet change from some crazy guy who promised him he talked to God. I paid my way through college with student loans and different jobs. My parents couldn't help with a dime, and by that time I was living with my grandparents anyway.
I can deal with different personalities and people who are different than me. But I feel like differences are magnified with some of her actions that makes it hard for me to be around or even like her.
When I first met my husband, he told me that his sister had been telling him about her dating and sex life, in detail, since they were young and would ask about his. I think it is important to point out that she is more than 3, almost 4 years older than him. He told me that he wanted to tell her about our sex life and we almost broke up right there. I explained to him that I thought that his sister was being inappropriate with him because he was her younger brother, and he finally got around to what I was saying and put up that boundary. To make matters worse, she also gave him a comic book series that the sole plot was that the main character had superpowers after he had sex....I personally think that's a weird gift to give your little brother, but I digress on that one.
Before I met her, she made fun of me and said that my now husband and I were in a codependent relationship and I was weak and how did he know he even liked me. My husband countered by telling them that I had an eating disorder and had lost my brother when I was young (this is a drop in the bucket of my trauma, but the most easily shareable parts I guess you could say) so I knew pain and could understand him (this was it's own issue we had to work out, but none the less...). Her response rather than saying any condolences was just to ask how I recovered from my eating disorder because she had "eating issues" at the time, she later said.
Matters were made worse the second time I tried to hang out with her. The first time she made us help her cook food and basically embarrassed this person she was probably sleeping with that was there by telling us their pronouns and then ignoring them and not introducing the person to us by name. The second time she invited us to a concert she picked and we weren't really excited about, and made us buy the tickets. We then had to pick her up at her work and drive another 30 minutes to the venue. She gets in the car and asks if we can take a 20 minute detour to get coconut milk and if we have a spoon??..............luckily my husband said no because we would have been late to the show that she chose..... When we got there, another girl which she introduced as a "friend" came to meet her halfway through the show that she hadn't mentioned was even coming.
All she wanted to talk about was food and diet. It was really triggering, and kind of strange considering she knew I had an ED because my now husband told her. She was way too interested in the fact that I had heartburn issues and wanted to give me all these ideas to fix it (she's so clueless btw, telling me easy home remedies...my heartburn is from being a past purger and anxiety you don't think I've tried not eating late or cutting out acidic foods?) At the end of the night, we were leaving and she decides to stand in front of the car while my now husband and I sit in the front seats with our lights pointed at her and have a 5 minute make out session with the friend that showed up, so, in front of her brother. It was so inappropriate. At the end of the night we still had to drive her 30 minutes to her car where she left it at work, and then 30 home.
After that I generally saw that she had boundary issues that hurt sensitive subjects for me, and tried to keep my distance from her. She ended up moving to a different state (a few now , in 4 years, with no job) living in her apartments with roommates and alone. The few times I have seen her since have been not good. I am actually very shy, and I like to just sit and listen in a group if I'm not comfortable. She does this thing where she'll obnoxiously and loudly say "I want to know how (insert my name here) is doing" without actually addressing me. This rude trying to be nice thing is something I dealt with a lot in school with popular kids who didn't understand why I was so quiet. I am just minding my own business, and I HATE being center of attention. Luckily my wonderful husband can see though this and he would answer for me so I could just give small answers. One time, which sticks in my memory, is when she tried to make a joke to her parents (with her truth tucked into it) that if her dad died, her mom could just replace him. No one even laughed. She didn't know that I lost my fiancee 8 months after my brother when I was 21, but she knew my brother had passed. There is no replacing people, and at the time I didn't even see that as dark humor because I was too hurt inside.
I want to just let this stuff go, but it makes me feel crazy and scared to be around her. She has so much money and freedom, she doesn't understand true destitution. I am not as angry at her as I am the world for dealing me with such a terrible lot. I know it seems like I am feeling sorry for myself, but watching someone be a general millennial Lena Dunham like trope is hard. She has good parents, not just rich, good nice parents who would always help her if she needed it. She has no debt because they pay for everything, and her problems are taken seriously by them. She went to private school and private college and picked a degree she was simply interested in that she doesn't even need to use. She has no boundaries, and gets to make mistakes and be picked back up with love and understanding. I'm sure her life isn't perfect, no one's is, but she has the one thing I always wanted, which is parents who love you. Parents who are healthy enough to help you instead of the other way around. That would think it was wrong if you were hurt.
My whole life my parents had no money and we're in and out of work. They were abusive and unstable to the point I could never ask them for help or advice. I had a suicide attempt and 5 forced hospitalizations between the ages of 17-19 for an eating disorder. My parents paid the few hundred necessary for intake the first 2 times (my grandparents paid the last 3 times) I went in, but I was stuck with the bill that ruined my credit and put me in medical debt. (They even tried to blame me for their money problems and that they couldn't help me pay for college because they were paying off my medical bills from the hospital, which I later found out was a complete lie that they later admitted to when I got the bill) My brother and I had to leave their house when I was 17 and he was 16 because of CPS. All of the abuse is too sick to get into for me, but no one in my husband's family knows any of it. They don't understand how poor I was, or how abused I was, or my brother was abused and how that resonates still to this day.
I was still trying to have a relationship with my parents and sister until about a year ago (quarantine helped solidify cutting contact with them) so my husband's parents have met my family, and they just think everything is normal because they met at my grandparents house and everyone was nice. It has been so lonely because in cutting off my immediate family I have had to cut off my extended family who would never understand the truth of how my dad really is. I just feel like I can't get close to my sister in law, and so I am just completely isolated and it makes me feel suicidal like life doesn't matter and I am alone and need to get out of the way. I want to keep trying though, because no matter how hard things are I promised my brother I would use my ability to choose to improve the best I can because he didn't have a choice when he got sick. Sometimes I am getting to the point though that I feel like I am mentally sick. I may be surviving, but I might have to do it in a different way.
Basically, I told my husband I couldn't go to Thanksgiving. He knows I don't like being with his sister, so he understands. However, he was sad because he wanted to see his uncle, but didn't want to be away from me (also this is our first holidays married). I feel like a bad person, but on top of that Covid was giving me anxiety because they wanted to travel out of state for Thanksgiving for a whole week (having to take off work) where I would have to stay in the same house as his sister and family, basically quarantined. No way.
My brain wanted to just isolate. When I am alone, no one can make fun of me or hurt me or trigger me. I wish I could just crawl into a corner and be alone forever. Or not. I don't know how I feel or what I want. The future just scares me. I don't know how to interact with my husband's family. I don't even know how to do that with my own.
I don't know why I am writing this, and I may delete it because it is so long, but I needed to get this off my chest. I needed to feel not so alone. Even if someone here thinks I am the bad guy, fine. My brain tells me that anyway. At least it is out of me.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far ❤️
submitted by Nat_writes to CPTSD [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 12:17 RepresentativeCrow62 Discovering that I might be Gender-Fluid / Trans and trying to reconcile with my beliefs.

TL/DR: Possibly been Trans(/similar) for a long time, brain just caught hold on the idea that it may be possible to look like a girl and is freaking out, Scared of changing but really discontent with how things are now, Handbook is mostly unhelpful while causing great deals of stress, did not ever think I would have to deal with a problem like this, don't want to ruin my family and/or marriage, grasping desperately for reasons to care about anything.

I'm 24/M and last week I randomly started experiencing major gender dysphoria. At least I think that's what it could be called. I really forcefully started remembering and experiencing the fact that for most of my life I've fantasized about being a girl, and I can't stop obsessing over the idea now.
When I was around six I remember putting a towel around my head after getting out of the shower (the way girls often do) and pretending I was Padme Amidala. There were a few other times I borrowed my mom's/sister's clothes and imagined similar things. I was always pretty secretive about these escapades and stopped doing them after a while, but the impulses have been going on for years and I didn't think twice about it. I felt really ashamed about the secrecy and not asking permission to use their stuff, but later in life this shame even spread to wearing minorly feminine clothing like scarves or long socks. I've gotten more comfortable wearing scarves and it's become my thing, but the shame is still there. I'm happily married and often thought about trying on her clothes (but didn't because she's a foot and a half shorter than me and I didn't want to ruin anything of hers by stretching it out.
I think some of the shame is because I grew up (and still am) religious and am afraid on a deep level of cultural backlash if someone found me out. I don't think my religion and these desires are fundamentally incompatible, but most people I can think of would strongly disagree. While I don't care about what they think (a relationship with God is, I think, something exclusively personal), I am worried about being ostracized even more than I already am, or of being kicked out altogether. More importantly, there's the fear about telling my family (something I gather is really common in situations like this). I'm hopeful that my parents wouldn't take it too badly (they didn't freak out when I told them I was switching from a technical major to an arts one, which was a happy surprise), but I'm sure they would want to talk about it more than I want to with them. I'm still not sure what I think, to be honest.
Lots of kids I knew growing up made fun of me for being gay, so much that I wondered if they were right sometimes. That bothered me because of their intent, but also because I'm very romantically and sexually interested in women and really not interested in guys, and no other gender descriptions occurred to me. Until last week.
I know some people who would say that what I've written so far makes me trans, but I'm not on that boat right now either. Definitions in the LGBT world are kind of difficult to navigate for me right now anyway, but that doesn't seem like a great fit. I never felt what people say about being "a woman trapped in a man's body." I like my body and try to take care of it - I was born male and don't really want to take drastic measures to change that. I just really want to look like/be a girl sometimes.
So two nights ago my wife and I were driving and I decided to tell her what I've been experiencing. I could tell she was slightly shocked and upset, but she took it 100x better than I imagined she might. She genuinely tried to understand, which I'm inexpressibly grateful for. Since I explained that I'm not interested in gender reassignment and that I love her the same as ever, she seemed to relax a bit. She even admitted that she wondered if she might be bi, so me embracing my femininity more wouldn't be a game changer for her. So that's a huge win.
I'm still terrified about what might happen if I embraced my hopes publicly, especially within my extended family. I also know how off balance I am around LGBT people and don't want to do that to my family/friends.
I wouldn't be surprised if I could pass as a girl, though that might just be wishful thinking. After reading the church handbook I'm left wondering just what I'm supposed to do about this. The language in section 38.6.22 makes it seem like trying to pass as a girl isn't necessarily sinful, but that it's also not okay. It's also pretty clear about hormones, which wasn't ever really a serious consideration and is something I can live without. They're not saying much at all that's very specific other than that gender is divinely appointed and not to try to change it. I don't know where to draw any sort of line, and feel like I'm left at the mercy of whatever bishop/stake president cares to assign as the minimum ratio of manliness to be able to attend the temple. I've always been more feminine than other guys without trying, and am left wondering how much of the mask I've constructed is okay to take off without jeopardizing my temple attendance. What even is the ideal masculine role model I'm to follow in dress and appearance? Am I to constantly dress like an apostle and never remove my suit? Or should I dress like the statues of the savior and wear robes? Funnily enough, that's closer to a dress than anything I'd feel comfortable wearing in public. Is the only difference between a kilt/Lavalava and a skirt the fact that the societies who wear them consider them men's clothes?
I admit that's not fair- I'm specifically interested in presenting as a girl, and it's not about the clothes themselves.
I'm frustrated because the way gender is performed is and has always been much more fluid among eras and cultures than gender itself (which I also believe is divinely fixed). So this feels a lot like a mandate to conform for conformity's sake.
It seems like the premise that gender is divinely appointed is being arbitrarily extended to assert that all men and women *should* (i.e. are morally obligated to) express certain tendencies and characteristics and that because I'm a guy I'm morally deficient because I don't fit in or act like other guys. Because I want to be something different, there's no way to win.
Yet there's also a strong social aspect of this that I'm feeling outside of the church - Is it worth it to make waves and endanger my happy relationships for this even notwithstanding the handbook? It would just be nice not to hate shopping and haircuts because what I want isn't acceptable and to constantly hear that I need to cut my hair, when I take pains to keep it neat (as in Alma 27). I don't even know why it means so much to me right now. It might just be a handhold my brain has grasped to keep me out of reach of the crippling depression which constantly lurks under me, ready to drag me down. At first I wondered if this was a totally sexual thing, but I don't think it is, and don't think it's something that'll just go away.
I never imagined that I would be brought so close to the conflict that has driven so many LGBT people out of the church, including more than a couple of my own friends. There's a real temptation to push the line until someone calls me on it, so I can feel justified in being offended and do what I want to. The Savior would probably bear his cross and keep moving, but I'm not him and the list of reasons I keep moving forward with anything is diminishing. It's easy to look at someone with depression and say "stop being a baby and get over it, you lazy/entitled piece of trash. It's not about you or what you want," especially if the lazy entitled piece of trash is yourself. The problem is that I always thought that religion was supposed to make life better in some way, and it seems to be doing the opposite, and failing that, it should at least help you be the best version of yourself? If the version of myself I'm being hammered into doesn't look or feel anything like me, then am I really doing myself any favors? You can add faithless to the list trash modifiers from earlier.
Lest you worry, I'm not willing to chuck my beliefs wholesale and immediately jump on the Anti Mormon bandwagon. I care enough about my marriage and family to try be patient until I can get answers (From God - not just from reddit). If anything, accepting this and talking to my wife has brought me closer to both of them than I've felt for a long time. Religion is very important to me, as is my family, but I also really want this. I never expected things to get so complicated in the span of just a couple of days and I feel a bit (a lot) stuck. There's a lot of bitterness I'm trying to deal with mostly alone here... As I've typed I've started to realize that it's about more than this - this is just the icing on top. It's about how unfair depression is and how I don't feel any less useless than I did before serving a mission and about how I crave human interaction but distance myself from any relationship except one and how everything is fleeting (including the image I want to present of myself), life is a treadmill, and you have to keep running forward, trying to work hard enough to not starve when you wake up every day and starving seems more and more appealing.
Wow, how depressing...

Thoughts? Advice?

P.S. I'm so sorry this ended up becoming a stream of conciousness. There's a lot to sort through and I'm famously good at contradicting myself. I also don't even really know what I think enough to know what questions to ask or what I want.

[edited and added to after reading the church handbook]
submitted by RepresentativeCrow62 to ldssexuality [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 12:12 BigWeenus42 I fucking love singed. Im addicted.

Picked him up after I got tired of bot lane and its bullshit.
Fucking christ, top lane is gods gift in heaven. Ranged toplaner? No problem, just forfeit some cs and set up ganks.
Anyone else? Fling them and disengage. Ahead? Ghost ignite and run em down. Demolish tower for gold, gg ff at 15.
Teamfight? Break the fucking sound barrier with turbo chemtank, ult and ghost. No body can flim flam the singed.
I am slowly turning into singed, the other day I flung my soda over my head and laughed maniacally as I sprayed febreeze while running like an autist.
A group of girls laughed at me as a walked by, I ran a world record sprint and suplexed the bitch and pepper strayed her and her friends while laughing maniacally.
I have started mixing household cleaning products together while building a backpack resevoir so I can have my very own singed tank.
It won't be long before I pass the point of no return, please help me.
submitted by BigWeenus42 to singedmains [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 12:00 discoskyline oMRGASj2v8c

submitted by discoskyline to discoskyline [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 11:03 Sawyerthesadist The things in White Hills: The fairies dance in a fountain of man’s tears.

Part 1
Part 2: The man in the bunker
“You really have never heard of them before? The little people? The fair folk of the woods? The ones who call themselves the Fae?” The man said to me, tilting his head to the side like a curious dog from his mossy stump.
“I’ve herd of dumbass fairies before if that’s what-“
“SSSSHHHH Child!” He quickly hushed me before gazing behind him into the thick sickly pines.
“Sorry...” I said.
I had just finished putting on my now inside out coat. I wasn’t certain what the point of this was, but the man hadn’t pulled anything dirty on me the last time we’d met. If this was just his way of fucking with me then I was going to have to roll with it. Not like I had anyone else to turn to since the things took Steven.
“You should know better than to say their name by now, child...” he said with a disappointed look.
“So they are...” I cut myself off.
The man grinned, giving me a nod.
“Really!? Like... shit, sorry almost said it again. You mean like in fucking Disney!?”
His expression changed to something weird. Like he was half on the verge of laughing, and half of him had died inside.
“... You know... you humans have really found a way to just take everything and anything that’s actually interesting in our world and turn into some man child finger paint project... no. Not like in Disney...”
Dead inside. His expression was dead inside.
“Us humans?” I inquired cautiously. The man responded by reverting to his demeaning grin.
“Slip of the tongue.” He said, never taking his eyes off me.
“You... you’re not... you aren’t one of...”
“No child.” He responded reassuringly now. “I’m not...” he nodded his head backwards towards the woods.
There was a short silence between us for a moment as we stared at each other. Even my dogs, who now joined my side just stood looking at this thing, whatever he was.
“What are you...” the words seemed to fall out of my mouth. The man began to chuckle.
“Something else darling! But you and I will have our moment later... Right now though, don’t you have some questions? Seeing as the poor local boy found himself down below you must have something on your mind?”
“I don’t even know what questions to ask...” I stammered.
“Well then you are a smart one after all.” Came his reply.
“Now Listen here!” He carried on. “The faire ones are going to-“
“WHOA! You aren't supposed to say-“ he quickly raised a hand in the air to shush me.”
“YOU. Can’t say their name.” He said. “The fair folk know better then to play games with me.” A fire seemed to burn in the man's eyes and his grin twisted at me. I felt a chill flow through my spine. Even my dogs backed away.
“Now...” he carried on. “They are going to throw everything they have at you now. Don’t think it was by chance you came across poor old Mr. Charlie Tucker! That was their last plain trick. Now they’re just going to get downright aggressive. That means sticking to the trails alone isn’t going to guarantee you safety anymore...”
I said nothing. The ice-y feeling in my spine still lingered on. Even the murmures from the woods dared not speak.
“You still have one shot left in that pistol eh girl?” The man said.
I nodded back.
“Good. Now you use that when you have to, but only, when, you have to. They’ll try and get you to waste it for sure... If you meet anyone else along the trail, so long as they look like one of you it’s not one of them. Whatever you do though, you be wary of how far you may go to try and help them. Chances are if you find them, they‘re already lost.”
He didn’t even smile at me anymore. His tone was serious and demeaning.
“You might encounter animals along the trail.” He carried on. “It may or may not be them. If you do, the target won’t be you but your two lovely friends here.” He nodded towards James and wolf.
“If you run into a beast, just do your best to ignore it. Grab hold of your pups and move along the way, if you have to... Turn back until the trail folds over again.”
“And how will I know when to use my last bullet?” I asked him.
The man smiled.
“When it’s your last resort.” He replied.
He said nothing after that, seemingly waiting for a reaction from me.
“Okay....” I said. “Can I ask why you are helping me at least? Is this just friendly nature for you or do you expect something from me?”
He continued to smile at me, never breaking his gaze.
“I give a word of advice to all those who find themselves here Kelly.” He replied. “That said, I have taken an interest in you, I feel as though this little situation you’re in won’t be our last dealing together...” he tilted his head again, looking at me with that smug grin.
“Fear not though child, you owe me nothing from this endeavour. Call this the free sample before I push the real product.” He said.
I was about to say something, but he quickly looked away, pointing to my two dogs.
“I think they may be anxious to go child, best not keep them waiting.” He said.
I turned to look at them but they were only resting at my side as they had done before. James and Wolf looked back up at me, confused. I turned back to the man, but he had vanished, just like before. Motherfucker...
So I turned to my dogs, with that, we carried on.

It had been straight cruising for a good two hours. We passed the barren area where telephone poles should have stretched across the Forrest as far as the horizon. Though the land was now completely void of anything here.
The dumb site still was still a giant open field that bubbled up in the middle. Now though, barrels of oil, metal scraps, and other garbage littered it. There were no signs warning of radioactive or chemical materials here like you’d normally see. However, as I followed my dogs across the large bubble in the ground we passed a group of people off to the side along the Forest wall.
A fire burned fiercely between them. The group danced and sang incomprehensible words as we passed, some jumping over the fire, though they were playing a game. Half of them dressed in green scantily cloths, half of them where naked.
I shook my head to myself, nope-ing the fuck out of making any contact with them. James and Wolf didn’t seem to protest.
The stick figures still hung from the old Wooden frame like some Blair Witch Project copy cats in their old spot. I thought that this was a more modern addition to white hills... Maybe that didn’t matter.
Those were the first two hours after my encounter with the man... It was after those uninteresting encounters was when I met the girl...
She sat in a ball, crouched down along the side of the trail weeping. James and Wolf immediately ran to her, sniffing the girl and licking her along her hands and face in a desperate attempt to comfort her. She didn’t even look up.
“Hey.” I said, trying to sound reassuring as I approached her. “Are you stuck out here too?”
I knelt down to her, hoping to coax her out of her clearly distraught state.
“YOU’RE NOT REAL!” She bawled, shaking her head. “YOU’RE NOT REAL! JUST LIKE THE VOICES! YOU ARNE’T REAL!!!”
Kneeling down, I slowly reached over and touched her palm. She jerked back violently, now taking her hands off her face to look at me with red tearful eyes.
“I’m real.” I said to her with a reassuring smile. “I’m stuck out here, just like you.”
She started at me, panting for a few seconds. Then suddenly began shaking her head again.
“No! Not like me... I can see it in your eyes, you’re not like me!” She said, covering her hands with her face again.
“Hey... listen...” I said, hesitantly putting a hand on the girl's shoulder. “I’m here just like you, now I’m trying-“
“NO!” She yelled. “You’re not like me! Maybe you’re real, I can’t tell anymore! But your not like me...” She continued to cry, even louder than before.
I took a long deep breath before turning to her once again.
“Okay.” I said. “What do you mean I’m not here like you?”
“You’re normal!” She shouted. “You're a yuppie! A... sorry, sorry I’m sorry I don’t mean to be mean. I’m just... I’m on a lot of Benadryl and nothing
I paused for a moment.
“On Benadryl...?” I asked.
“Yes, you're not on it like me and Collin.” Said the girl.
I stayed quiet for a moment longer... this wasn’t what I was expecting...
“You mean... you mean like that antihistamine medication...” I finally said, slightly confused.
“IT GETS YOU FUCKING HIGH IF YOU TAKE A LOT OF IT!!!!” She screamed back at me angrily.
I jumped back.
“Sorry... no wait. I’m sorry I didn’t mean...” She stammered at me, never picking herself up off the trail floor. “I’m so sorry! Of course you wouldn’t know that! Most people don’t.”
“Look...” I said, rather concerned. “What exactly happened?”
She just sat there whimpering for a moment, looking at the ground.
“Me and Collin, we were trying to... trying to communicate with... Never mind! You wouldn’t understand!” She said, turning away from me.
“Understand what? Who’s Collin?” I asked.
The girl shook her head at me. Then suddenly she perked up, gazing out to the Forest with a blanket stare.
“I’m sorry, look you just wouldn’t understand.” She said, now picking herself up.
“Wait.” I responded, rather confused.
“HANNAH!!!!” A man's voice echoed out from somewhere within the pines. “HANNAH!!!! WHERE ARE YOU HANNAH!!!!”
She jerked her body in the direction of the voice. “That’s him!” She said to me. “That’s Collin! Look, thank you but I need to go.”
“NO! WAIT! HANNAH!” I yelled out to her as she began to march towards the pines.
Hannah ignored me though, she began rushing into the thicket, only three paces in before she yelled out the man's name.
“COLLIN!” As soon as the words left her mouth she froze dead in her tracks. Stiff as a board, she twisted her head back to me with an exaggerated smile peeling her lips. “The fair ones dance in a fountain of man’s tears.” She said to me.
“COME HERE HANNAH!” The man's voice once again echoed through the pines. Hannah slowly turned back to the source of the voice, and began walking away, disappearing from sight within the trees.
The Forrest erupted into a familiar laughter as I walked away.

In my first post I mentioned that there where no animals out here that could pose a threat to me or my friends. Well, I hadn’t exactly considered the moose...
It had been clear sailing for about an hour after meeting Hannah. I had started to let my guard down. Then that fucking behemoth came trotting out of the woods without a care in the world. He was well over twice my height. With an almost shining white coat of fur that I’d never seen on one of these animals before.
Despite the creature's elegant appearance I was still filled with dread the moment I laid eyes on him. He wouldn’t harm me so long as I kept my distance from him. James and Wolf however, even in their old age, those two still couldn’t resist the urge to play.
I dashed after the barking dogs as fast as my legs could go. Grabbing hold of their collars and skidding us all to halt mere feet away from the giants head. I looked up just in time to see it lower it’s antlers before it charged.
I had a split second to make a decision, I chose to run into the pines.
One, two, three, four, fives, six , seven, steps. I turned back to see it glaring at between me from the trail's edge. With my dogs in tow I began to move sideways through the trees, not daring to go any deeper and risk losing the trail. Making sure it was always clearly in my sight.
As I side stepped through the thick sticks though, the Moose moved with me. Always right on the edge of the trail.
I had two options...
I could use my last bullet here, one good shot in the front of the chest should put that thing down, or at least make it fucking run.
Or... I could try and coax it off the trail.
Eight, nine, ten, eleven.... Even the beasts fur began breaking into patterns along with everything else as I stepped further away from the trail. It stood still, glaring at me with a lowered head.
Twelve, thirteen, fourteen...
The moose suddenly lunged forward, crashing over and into the thick pines.
I held still for just a second. I needed it to come closer.
The thinner trees were smashed and tossed aside by the thing, but the bigger ones blocked it’s path, and caught on to its raging antlers.
I let go of my dogs' collars... they didn’t need me to tell them to run now. Still I yelled out to them as I sprinted to my left, just barely avoiding the moose’s sweeping blow.
The lights watched from the trees as me and my dogs ran back for the trail. Their murmures surrounded us but they did not laugh.

I found myself once again in the dumb site, walking the same direction I’d came before. I heard no signing from the people by the fire though, nor did I see it burn. Instead I was greeted to a horrifying sight. The once cheerful dances now lied around the ashes of the fire in bloody chunks. Some of them were frozen with permanent silent screams.
Under a pile of flesh, an arm slowly pulled itself out. I stared down unnerved to see the young man slowly pull his head out. Large tears bled out from his chest and head, one of his eyes was nothing but a gaping hole. He looked up to me almost emotionlessly, and muttered two words.
“Kill... me...”

I leaned over onto the heavy wooden stick I’d found and began to sob. He would have died anyways, he was already half dead.
I could have still shot him, but what if I needed the last shot? That could have cost me my own life. I couldn’t have risked that!
“Well then.... looks like I missed one...” Something behind me growled.
I turned sharply and jumped back. Even my dogs ran behind me at the sight of this thing, barking, but anxiety betraying their voices.
Two bright white eyes glowed at me unblinking as the creature took two lumbering steps towards me. Large hands with ragged bloody claws hung from two burley arms. It’s head, shaped like a wolfs, tilted and miffed the air as it continued to leer at me.
“Well don't just stay quiet now girl! I’m not one of the-“
BANG
I immediately raised my gun and shot the thing in the chest. I didn’t care if it was a wasted shot. This thing was one big Nope!
The thing looked down casually at the hole in its chest where blood began to pour. For a moment... I thought I had just screwed up.
“Clever girl.” The thing finally said in a raspy voice, before collapsing to the ground.

“Don’t you want to join us Kelly?” Johnny's voice called from the woods.
“You aren't really going to leave us behind are you Kelly?” Graces voice followed.
I trotted along with my dogs at the lead. Not even so much as looking away from the road ahead.
“How do you feel about mummers Kelly?” Something with Stevens' voice asked.
Suddenly I heard snapping and rustling from the trees behind me. I slowly turned my head to see several forms coming towards me through the trees.
Men and women with white cloths tied over their heads sprinted out of the woods, running at me fiercely.
I turned forward and bolted. The things in the woods began to laugh.

“James! JAMES!!!” I cried out pleadingly for my dogs, but the forest was silent. I didn’t think I’d lost them, I was running so fast when the things gave chase... I...
“Ruff!”
My head perked up immediately at the sound.
“Ruff!” It came again from the woods. I dared not answer it yet, I couldn’t be that... those things wouldn’t have...
“Ruff!”
Suddenly the two dogs came barreling out of the forest, running to me and assaulting my face with a plethora of licks. I hugged them both a tad too tight and tried not to cry.

Three days... I had walked the twisting trail for three days before I finally saw the creatures for what they were. Thousands of them waited for me here. Their eyes glowed with the colours of the lights I’d seen in the woods. Their faces sharp, somehow twisting as though I looked at several different images all at once.
My brother, Grace, Steven... They hung lopsided, unconscious amongst the things. Black chains tethering their limbs to the trees.
In the middle of the road, stood the strange hiker. Now though, now he had ditched his inside out garments, fashioning only an old vest that covered his torso. His legs were bare, covered in fur and ending in two hooves. His hat now gone, allowed me to see the two horns he had chosen to hide from me.
“Congratulations Kelly!” He exclaimed with a sharp smile. “This is the end of the road.”
The little people began to whisper to each other. Never taking those glowing eyes off me.
I turned to gaze up at my friends, then back to the man, if you can call him that.
Behind him, our campsite sat in wait, looking exactly as it had when we’d first left to find grace.
“Can you please ask them to let them go now...” I asked the man pleadingly, nodding to my friends.
The smile slowly faded from his lips. “I’m afraid it’s not going to be that simple child.” He said sombrely. “When I first met you along the trail, I mentioned I could help bargain a deal for you if you ever found the end. The fair folk have agreed to a condition, but you're not going to like it.”
The hushed whispers of the things grew into excited chatter.
“They have agreed.” The man continued. “That they will offer you one, for the price of two.”
The things began to laugh again, that awful childlike menacing laughter.
“You mean one of them goes but the other two stay here?” I asked.
The man shook his head. “Not exactly.” He replied. “Four of you will return to your world. But only two of you will be the ones who came in. It’s that, or you return alone with your dogs, and all three stay here.”
The things continued to laugh. Their wide open mouths showing black jagged teeth. I stood there, speechless.
“So child!” The man continued. “Who will be coming home with you?”

“Man... how much did we drink last night?” Johnny said, rubbing his head.
“Beats me dude... I can’t remember anything after Grace left to go piss in the woods.” Steven replied.
“Wait... when did that happen?” Grace asked groggily.
I marched alongside them silently. Not even looking at any of them.
“Oh fucking beats me!” Johnny Said. I just remember eating all those mushrooms we found and then munching on the ones I bought too... everything is in pieces after that...”
“Yeah bro... that was probably a bad idea.” Grace laughed. “Sometimes it’s just better to leave things be... isn’t that right Kelly?” Grace turned to me with a demeaning grin.
“Yeah Kelly!” Steven turned to me now with the same look. “You were totally right that eating those things was a bad idea!”
“Sure was...” I replied to the two things... bluntly.

I need to come clean about something to you all. I haven’t been fully honest with you since I started telling this story.
In my first post, I claimed that I was able to post my story through reddit, as Nosleep was the only site I could get to work. This was a lie. Nothing worked from the moment I was caught in the things ever changing trail.
You see, it’s been two years since I left White Hills. Two years where the things calling themselves steven and grace have living my former friends lives. I’ve tried to tell Johnny what really happened that night. He thinks my story is the funniest shit in the entire world and says maybe it’s better if I stay away from mushrooms... Fucking dumbass idiot!
It was a few months ago however, when I ran into Hannah. I didn’t believe it was her at first, I still don’t even know how she made it back. It’s her though, got her to hold an iron coin in her hand, Steven and Grace won’t go anywhere near it.
Hannah didn’t even remember meeting me in the woods. She was friendly though, already out there enough that she still somehow believed me despite my lack of any evidence to offer.
I slowly formed a friendship with Hannah. She had invited me over for a tarot card reading. That was the day I decided to post this story.
“Who is that?” I asked Hannah, staring at the framed picture of a man sitting in the middle of her little makeshift altar. The man in the picture played a pipe flute while sitting on a mossy stump. He had the horns and legs of the man I’d met over a year before in White Hills.
“Pan!” Hannah cried out joyfully. “The dead god of the woods!”
I could almost hear the sound of the pipes gracefully playing as I gazed at the picture. I stared transfixed for a while. Slowly, the pipers flutes began to be faded out by the sound of a familiar unsettling chattering. The world around me seemed to grow darker. As I focused on the picture, the chattering turned to the haunting laughter of the things in the woods, the things that call themselves Steven and grace, the things in White Hills.
“Some of us still pray to him though!” Hannah snapped me out of my trance. “Him and the other old gods! I’ve been trying to communicate with Pan for awhile now. He sends me signs... sometimes... but mostly it’s been slow progress.” Hannah looked to the floor, looking embarrassed.
“Why do you pray to old gods?” I asked her.
Her smile quickly returned. “They can grant you things, make you powerful.” She said, almost giggling.
“Powerful in what way?”
“I can’t tell you that! You half to walk the mile first. Never place pearls before swine Kelly! Not that you’re a swine but like-“
“Hannah?” I cut her off. “Can you teach me.”
Hannah slowly cracked a large grin.

That was the day I made my first post. I’ve learned a lot from Hannah since then. Learned things I would have never believed if it wasn’t for my experience in White Hills.
You see, I’m going to go back there, and this time... this time I’m going to be ready. This time, I’m not leaving without Steven and Grace, the REAL Steven and Grace! I swear, to everything that is above, and everything that watches over us, I will get them back if I have to kill every last fucking pixie bitch that infects those fucking woods. I’m coming for them, I’m coming for them all!
/Sawyershuntinglodge
submitted by Sawyerthesadist to nosleep [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 10:39 MurakamiDelRey Update and much more advice needed: "My girlfriend is on a date today, and I'm not doing as well as I thought I would be'

Original Post
Full disclosure, this is a long one. I just really need help here so I would really appreciate help. Detailed tldr at the bottom.
A couple of days ago I (20f) posted about my girlfriend (21F) going on a date with another girl(24?F) I wrote a lot, about how I felt jealous, how I struggled with the amount of time they had spend together and how much I was struggling with my emotions, which are especially hard to deal with.
She went on the date and we talked the next day, we went over some boundries, most notably regarding protection and testing, checking in with me if need be and communication about how the date went after the date (I told her that I wanted to only hear about it when I was in the right headspace, we decided the best way to go about it was for me to ask when I wanted to know).
I've been struggling a lot with it ever since, we talked about how it went. I got details of what they had done throughout the night, both in terms of activities and sexual stuff.
I was ultimately left feeling very insecure and for a while I was wondering whether Polyamory was right for me, whether I was incredibly one sided in what I wanted (I can date others but my partner cant, which is obviously highly unethical).
I've realised that I have four big issues, but none of them are about her or the person she's dating. It's all about me.
Issue 1) Insecurities about my body and what I can provide for her. All three of us are trans. I've been on HRT for about 3 years now, while her and the girl she's dating are newer to it all. Because I've been on HRT for a while my 'equipment' doesn't work as well. She me that the other girl was able to penetrate her and finish easily twice. I can't do either of those things, and I resent myself for that. What's more, the other girl is far more attractive and thin than I am, both of these things are big Insecurities for me. My girlfriend reassures me that she doesn't care about either of those things, I still worry.
Issue 2) I'm scared she's going to amass a lot of partners and I'll only have her, and over time I'll just be a small part of her life. As mentioned, I'm not attractive and I'm socially inept. I don't have a lot of success dating and she's much better at it. I'm scared of becoming just another one of her partners. My older sister (who's also poly) has told me about how she has friends with five or six partners (this is a goal for my girlfriend) and that these friends often don't manage to sustain real, meaningfull relationships with all their partners, I'm so scared this will happen to us.
Issue 3) My mental health is poor. I am generally not a functional human being. My girlfriend has to spend a lot of time helping me through breakdowns, with this being said I've helped her the same amout with similar stuff as much as she has helped me. I do things I consider very weird, for example, as a result of CPTSD I age regress and have to have her look after me, I call her 'mummy', which I hate. I worry she's going to tell new people about this kind of stuff and laugh with them about how fucking weird I am or worse, leave me for someone more normal. She understands why I do this, has promised not to discuss it with other people in such a manner.
Also, as earlier mentioned I have BPD and my emotions are all over the place, I worry about a lot, and I spend a lot of time worrying about not being able to give her what she needs and wants. But this is this is a part of why I'm poly, right? Yes, I can't meet all of her needs and wants, and she can't meet all of mine (see below for more about that). This is a part of why we date other people, we love each other so much, were not dissatisfied with eachother, we just recognise that no one person can meet another's needs, and that's a part of why we see other people. The logo Al part of me knows this and understands this. But the big part of me, the part of me that isn't logical worries about it constantly, because worrying to a point of it being hugely unhealthy is a big issue for me, and this brings me to problem three.
Issue 4) I'm totally, totally co-dependant on my girlfriend, and she isn't dependant on me. I've only realised this over the last couple of days but it's true. She pointed out that if I left her she's be heartbroken and inconsolable for a long time, and if I died shed mourn me for the rest of her lift, but she would make it through. If she left me (or god forbid, died) I wouldn't make it through. I'd attempt suicide (and most likely suceed) and at the very least end up in hospital for a long, time (I have a long history of suicide attempts and long stays in psych wards). This isn't something I told her, telling someone that you'd kill yourself if they left you is textbook emotional blackmail and I know that. This is something that she's told me that she's aware of, just from how I am. She's also made it clear that if I asked her to end this relationship she would leave me (yes, this is reasonable, I know). Although it's mostly a case of her needing to be poly, that irrational part of me feels like that means "I like this new girl more than I like you, and I'd choose her over you". She did say that she'd take a break with the other girl however. This point is moot anyway, I would never ask her to end a relationship that was meaningful to her, unless of course she was in a relationship that was putting her in danger. I'm not going to be asking her to take a break either. That would make things worse for both of us, and again, would be incredibly unethical and unfair on her.
It's worth noting that I'm not mentioning any of the good things about being poly, and about this situation. The other girl makes my girlfriend happy (which I know I do to) and this makes me happy. My girlfriend needs and deserves this, and seeing her this happy makes me so happy. I want to date other people too, I'm talking to another girl (who admittedly is interested in us as a couple which is always the case) and I can't wait to meet more people. My girlfriend and I are moving in together and I can't wait. Minus me being codependent our relationship is good and healthy and we love each other.
I just need help here. Have you struggled with this? How have you dealt with it? What's my best move. Yes, I am in therapy and I plan to talk to my therapist. I just need some advice and a lot of reassurance. Thank you for reading this, and thank you for your help. This was a long post, I know. I know I probably sound incredibly toxic. I know that I'm not at all a healthy person and I'm totally fucking dysfunctional, but I don't think I'm toxic. I recognise that I have a lot of issues here that she's not done anything wrong at all. I'm working on fixing myself up, but this is going to take a lot of time. I've just started a new, full-time apprenticeship as a chef and I need to be at least a little bit mentally healthy right now. I need a quick fix while I do some proper, mental maintenance.
TL;DR: my girlfriend is dating someone new and I'm struggling with it, but my issues lie exclusively with myself. I have four key issues, issue one is that I'm insecure about myself and my body, issue two is that I'm worried about her having so many partners I become a smaller, less interesting part of her life, issue three is that I struggled with BPD and my mental health is poor and issue four is that I'm incredibly codependent on her, a feeling that isn't mutual (luckily). I love being poly and I love and am happy for my girlfriend, I'm just struggling with this. I am aware that I'm very dysfunctional, and I'm aware that I may sound toxic, but I'm not toxic, I'm just not mentally healthy and I recognise that the errors of my ways.
submitted by MurakamiDelRey to polyamory [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 09:43 diogenesthehopeful Critical thinking

Corruption is high in the USA but if a topic doesn't make "the news", that topic is often relegated to some conspiracy theory. I think that is why we are in trouble. Trump is almost gone and thank God of that. I'm not sure we can make it to the next election with him at the helm. That being said, supporters of Trump are pissed (not only now but even before he was elected), and people who can't grasp why that is, is a big part of why we are where we are.
At this point, the critical thinker has to make up his mind if "the powers that be" are trying to take away the Bill of Rights. They aren't doing it all at once but slowly and insidiously your rights are being eroded. If you don't believe it, see just how many times you hear the word democracy in the news and how many time you hear the word republic. Those two words have different meanings and if the Bill of Rights is revoked, the USA is no longer a republic imho. Technically, it doesn't function like a republic already. The corporations control the legislation and the media, so often times the things that need to be said often don't see the light of day in the main stream media or on the congressional floor.
If you don't think of yourself as a critical thinker, I already know that I cannot get through to you. You undoubtedly reach most of your political conclusions based on your emotions and not typically using reason. Logic is required in order to discern when people are lying to you, because obviously the lies never add up and only the person using reason will ever find the places where their story doesn't add up. In contrast, telling the truth sometimes exposes one to retaliation and it is political suicide to tell too much truth. Therefore people who really want to tell you the truth and for whatever reason believe they cannot, they leave bread crumbs to help teach you the truth in a cryptic sort of way. As a child, I loved science and maths mostly, but I did occasionally read history and for whatever reason, something stuck in my brain. The author never said why, but said that Mark Hanna's fears became a reality. That was perhaps the first bread crumb I ever heard. We often don't see the role of the VP on a ticket but Mark Hanna understood the importance of that. Be that as it may, I've got two interviews that I want you to watch:
the shorter one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brtmxc5LR1c&t=2s
the longer one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXQFReozgjA
If you watched the presidential debates, you are probably aware that Harris attacked Biden (SNL wore out "that little girl was me"). What got less coverage was the knock out blow Gabbard delivered to Harris in response to that attack in a subsequent debate, effectively ending Harris' presidential bid. Some saw this attack as a defense of Biden. However Biden apparently didn't see things that way and picked his attacker as his running mate and not his defender. Be that as it may, Tulsi intervened in the food fight that Harris claimed she was above, right before she picked up a figurative pie and threw it into Biden's face. Perhaps these interviews will help explain why Tulsi intervened. Perhaps not.
As a person who watches Meet the Press a lot, I happened to be watching when the 50th anniversary of JFK's assassination rolled around and they decided to show an interview of JFK when the panelists almost seemed like they were trying to convince him to take the bottom of the ticket. Up to that point in time, I heard a lot of stories that Johnson and JFK didn't really like each other and it never really made sense to me why he picked Johnson as a running mate until I watched a recording of that interview in November 2013.
submitted by diogenesthehopeful to PoliticalOpinions [link] [comments]